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In a recent talk I gave to divorced parents, after I finished speaking about the benefits of creating a friendly divorce, an angry voice called out, “Befriend my ex? You must be kidding! Truly, I’d like to behead her- not befriend her!” You may be asking this question, too:  Befriend someone who cheated on me with my best friend? Who has driven me to financial ruin? Was a flat our liar? My advice is both simple and complex:

Why Befriend Your Ex? : 

1. All the research on the effects of divorce on children points to the same conclusion: Children do better when parents create a conflict free coparenting environment. Your children didn’t ask for this divorce-and parenting and coparenting are not optional. Coparenting is a responsibility!

2. A befriended coparenting relationship means starting over and creating a new relationship that focuses on one thing: parenting. Imagine wiping the slate clean. Work on letting go of the past. Recognize that your ex will be your child’s parent forever, thus in your life forever.

3. Recognize that your ex is your child’s parent and may offer your child more love and attention than anyone else in this entire world ever will. Not only is it important to be a good parent, but it’s important that you support your ex ‘s relationship with your children.

How to Befriend Your Ex?: Here are six complex but simple strategies:

1) Keep your children out of your divorce. Make a commitment not to badmouth your ex—even if she badmouths you. Remove your children from your emotional and financial relationship with your ex.  “This isn’t something I feel comfortable talking about with you,” or, “This is something mom and I are working on,” are perfect responses to questions that might trigger your own anger or bitterness.

2) Anger and bitterness not only damage your children, they damage you. Practice letting go of angry and bitter thoughts.

3) Forgive yourself when you are imperfect, when you can’t let go.

4) Even if your ex will not cooperate and continues to badmouth you, your responsibility remains: be the best parent you can during the time you spend with your children. And support your ex when you can, keeping in mind: children do better when they have two parents who love them.

5) Relationships are always changing. If you are coparenting, you have opportunities every day to make new overtures. Change begins with one small step. Meet your ex at a parenting conference. Invite your ex to share a birthday celebration or join together for a family holiday. Let your ex know something positive your child said about her.

6) Take the high road. The only person you can change is yourself. Taking the high road means living as if the world is witnessing your behavior. Be on your best behavior and you will have no regrets.

Are there times when befriending your ex is impossible? Uncalled for?  You bet! If your ex is actively abusing alcohol, drugs or other substances, or, is physically or emotionally abusive to you or your children, befriending is not only impossible it’s unwarranted.  Children should not be raised in an unsafe environment, and you may have to consult a lawyer,  or a mental health professional. As a psychologist I help people face these issues every single day.

Dr. Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Ph.D.  is a licensed psychologist, group therapy and workshop leader and  the author of “Befriending Your Ex After Divorce: Making Life Better for You, Your Kids and Yes, Your Ex” (2013) and “A Starving Madness: Tales of Hunger, Hope and Healing in Psychotherapy” (2002). Contact her at www.judithruskayrabinorphd.com

“I got everything I wanted except what I needed.”

It was a breakthrough moment.  A therapy client suddenly discovered what he always knew and now could finally identify. By being able to name it, he became a witness to his experience, and could finally begin to feel compassion for himself. No wonder there were tears, in his eyes and mine.

Countless other successful people I’ve counseled have had that same sorrowful feeling that something basic was missing. They got everything they wanted from their parents except what they needed the most: to be seen and valued.

That is the essence of parenting – to see and value your children for who they are, rather than as an extension of yourself or as the means to fulfill your own needs.

I remember as a teenager practicing late one night one of my favorite Mozart sonatas when Dad came into the room and quietly sat down. He had just come home from another long day making screens. As I glanced at him from the piano, I saw how peaceful and happy he looked. When I finished, he turned to me with a twinkle in his eyes and said, “What a good return I’m getting on my investment!” We laughed and I continued playing. It wasn’t what I was playing or how, though because I was fortunate to have lessons since I was four years old, I was admittedly pretty good. It was the way he was beaming that I could tell that he was enjoying me, and it meant the world to me.

In contrast, a colleague told me about a significant dream she had about her mother. Early one morning she awoke to hearing her mother’s distress looking at a stack of photos. “Why aren’t you in any of them?!” My colleague knew that her mother was talking about her. As her mother continued complaining, she finally got out of bed to try to comfort her. “How come you’re not in any of these pictures?!” her mother kept demanding. My colleague gently took the stack and began to look at each photo. She was in every single one. “Look, Mom, there I am! And here! I’m in this one, too!” It was to no avail as her mother kept complaining and blaming her, unable to see her daughter in the images.

When she woke up, my colleague instantly knew what her dream meant. “It encapsulated the essence of my relationship with my mother,” she told me. “She’s never been able to see me. And I’ve always tried to comfort her.”

To be seen by those we love and those we’re dependent on – be they parents, grandparents, teachers, caregivers, officials with power over us – is essential to our sense of self and self-worth.

Despite losing his entire family during the Holocaust, or perhaps because of it, my father was a master at seeing people, listening to them wholeheartedly, making each of them feel special and loved.

My brother’s daughter Miriam fondly remembers early mornings they spent together. “Every time we would visit, I would try to wake up before Nagypapa. Yet every single morning, when I tiptoed out into the kitchen, he would be sitting in his white leather armchair, reading the paper. He would just smile and hand me the comics. After reading, we would walk out into the orchard and pick the best-looking oranges and tangerines in order to make freshly squeezed juice for the family. I loved spending mornings with Nagypapa, reading and making orange juice, because they were our special time together. “

“My favorite memory is the famous four kisses story,” my daughter Sophie proudly stated. “Grandpa would pick us up at the airport and the minute he saw us, he smiled and gave each of us hugs and kisses. ‘Mártika! How wonderful it is to see you!’ he would say to my mom, wrapping his arms around her. ‘Jacobka!  How are you? I’ve missed you!’ And finally he would turn to me. ‘Sophieka! How many kisses?’ ‘Four!’ I answered enthusiastically, and Grandpa would kiss me on my cheeks, two on one, two on the other. Each visit he would ask the same question and I always replied with the same answer, four. Then one day when Grandpa asked, ‘Sophieka, how many kisses today?’ I thought for a moment and replied, ‘Three!’ Grandpa looked at me with his warm twinkle in the eye, smiled and said, ‘That’s not enough!’ as he began to give me lots more.  Every time I relive that story I smile.  My Grandpa was a good Grandpa who loved everyone so much and wasn’t afraid to show it.”

Marta Fuchs, a marriage & family therapist and librarian, is the author of “Legacy of Rescue: A Daughter’s Tribute” (available on amazon.com and blurb.com) and co-author with her brother Henry of the multigenerational extended family memoir, “Fragments of a Family: Remembering Hungary, the Holocaust, and Emigration to a New World.”

Divorced families are often described as disconnected, diminished and cut off, but last week I met an old friend, Brandy, who reminded me that this stereotype is often unfair and inaccurate. Brandy’s story offers the opposite lesson: that while divorce brings with it many losses, it can expand and enrich a family, sometimes in incredible ways.

Twenty years ago, when Brandy married Joel, his active, energetic two year-old son Brian came to live with them.  One morning, late to work and racing to get out of the house, Brandy burst into tears trying to get Brian’s sneakers tied to get him to daycare.  Working full time and juggling their new domestic lives, she and Joel had quickly moved from the romantic stage of their relationship to “Did-ya-dump-the garbage-and-what-are-we-having -for dinner?” How had her life become so overwhelming?

Just then the phone rang. It was Brandy’s mother, Sheila, who lived three flights up in the same apartment building. When Sheila heard Brandy’s plight, she flew downstairs, arrived at Brandy’s and made short work of Brian’s untied shoes. Sheila promptly fell in love with the adorable toddler.

At this time, Brian lived with Brandy and Joel during the week, and spent weekends with his biological mother, Lynn. In those early and painful days of divorce, Lynn and Joel had stopped speaking. Feeling loyal to her new husband, Brandy avoided Lynn as well. Later Brandy would admit to feeling threatened by Joel’s ex wife, a beautiful and bohemian actress. True to stereotype, divorce had disconnected and diminished this family.

Slowly, things changed. For a starter, Sheila, a working playwright, realized Brian needed all the adults in his life to get along—and she could play a crucial role. She offered herself as a “bridge” between Brian’s two families, creating her apartment for pick-ups and drop-offs. Routine, casual meetings with Brian’s mother allowed Sheila and Lynn to bond; soon Sheila learned that Lynn, who had lost her mother at an early age, now felt adrift about mothering. Sheila adored mentoring the young and floundering Lynn, professionally as well as in the mothering department.

When Brandy learned of Lynn’s vulnerabilities and saw the bond that had arisen between her mother and Lynn, she began to feel less threatened by her husband’s beautiful ex wife. Feeling more secure, Brandy became curious, and one evening, when Lynn called to discuss the weekend schedule, Brandy found herself lingering on the phone. The two women began a lengthy conversation about their shared interest–Brian.

Therapists often talk about the domino effect in family systems— when one person in a family grows, new options emerge for healing the entire system. That’s what happened with Brandy and her family.  Brandy soon realized that if she wanted to get along with her stepson she had to get along with his biological mother. Lynn, for her part, continued to thrive under Sheila’s nurturing. Sheila found the role of “bridge” suited her in ways she could never have imagined. Before long, Sheila, Brandy and Lynn often found themselves putting their heads together to resolve the everyday problems of managing an active two year old who was now living in two homes.

The healing connections spread. Now that Brandy felt comfortable with Lynn, it was easier for her to encourage Joel to reconnect to Brian’s biological mother in positive ways.  Once Joel and Lynn’s relationship thawed, a new and loving expanded family could heal the place in everyone’s hearts that had been torn open by the pain of divorce. Read More

Everyone knows that sweeping self-improvement New Year’s resolutions get broken faster than you can say “I’d like the cheesecake for dessert, please.” Resolve to ban sugar forever, exercise every day or read every word of the New York Times seven days a week, and you’ll be lucky to last a month before you fall off the wagon. The key is to start small. (As they say, a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.) In the improve-your-diet department, here are 13 tips from online meal planning service eMeals to move yourself – and your family – in the right direction.

1. Adopt Meatless Mondays – Going meatless just one day a week can reduce your risk of several chronic diseases as well as shrink your carbon footprint.  VIPs from Virgin Group founder Sir Richard Branson and ex-Beatle Sir Paul McCartney to actress Emily Deschanel, The Biggest Loser’s Bob Harper and Food Network chef Giada De Laurentiis have endorsed the strategy for both the body and the planet.

2. Try “clean eating” – Replace pizza and processed foods with fresh meats, produce and seasonal items. For help and sample menus created by a foodie mom who feeds her own family of six this way, see http://emeals.com/meal-plans/clean-eating/ – complete with ideas like Greek Chicken Wraps with Spinach Cantaloupe Salad that even a toddler can love.

3. Dump the ‘bad’ oils – Banish butter and bacon grease and replace them with healthy fats like canola and olive oil. Try making your own salad dressing with oil and your favorite vinegar. Your cholesterol level will thank you.

4. Eat breakfast every day – The old adage is true: breakfast really is the most important meal of the day. It fuels your body and brain with the energy you need to face the day. Whether it’s a smoothie, Pumpkin Spice Oatmeal or Whole Wheat Banana Nut Muffins, you can get quick and healthy breakfast ideas at http://emeals.com/meal-plans/breakfast/

5. Purge your pantry and fridge – Get rid of anything that’s expired or unhealthy, then restock with healthy staples like brown rice, dried beans, canned tuna and prepared pasta sauce for quick and nutritious meals.

6. Brown-bag it at least 3 days a week – Pack your lunch for work or school to eat better – and save money too.  You’ll find inspiration – and recipes for goodies like Turkey Pepperoni Pasta Salad – at http://emeals.com/meal-plans/lunch/

7. Eat a colorful ROYGBIV diet – Red foods like tomatoes, watermelon, grapefruit, red bell pepper and red cabbage contain lycopene, which may reduce the risk of some cancers. Orange choices are filled with Vitamin A and carotenoids that are good for your eyesight. Blue/purple produce includes anthycyanins that support heart health. And green veggies contain isothyiocyanates that help flush cancer-causing compounds out of the body. Bonus: the Vitamin K in leafy greens helps regulate blood pressure, too.

8. Downsize your plates – We all tend to eat everything we put on our plates – and usually that’s way too much. If you start a meal with salad, that helps fill you up so you won’t overeat the rest of your dinner. You can also get ideas for portion-controlled meals at http://emeals.com/meal-plans/portion-control/

9. Switch out soda – All of the calories in soda and sugary drinks are empty calories, meaning they contribute no healthy nutrients. Swap soda for calorie-free beverages like water or sparkling water (add a splash of lemon or lime for flavor), or beverages with some nutritional value, like skim milk or small amounts of 100% fruit juice. Read More

In a recent talk I gave to divorced parents, after I finished speaking about the benefits of creating a friendly divorce, an angry voice called out, “Befriend my ex? You must be kidding! Truly, I’d like to behead her- not befriend her!” You may be asking this question, too:  Befriend someone who cheated on me with my best friend? Who has driven me to financial ruin? Was a flat our liar? My advice is both simple and complex:

Why Befriend Your Ex? : 

1. All the research on the effects of divorce on children points to the same conclusion: Children do better when parents create a conflict free coparenting environment. Your children didn’t ask for this divorce-and parenting and coparenting are not optional. Coparenting is a responsibility!

2. A befriended coparenting relationship means starting over and creating a new relationship that focuses on one thing: parenting. Imagine wiping the slate clean. Work on letting go of the past. Recognize that your ex will be your child’s parent forever, thus in your life forever.

3. Recognize that your ex is your child’s parent and may offer your child more love and attention than anyone else in this entire world ever will. Not only is it important to be a good parent, but it’s important that you support your ex ‘s relationship with your children.

How to Befriend Your Ex?: Here are six complex but simple strategies:

1) Keep your children out of your divorce. Make a commitment  not to badmouth your ex—even if she badmouths you. Remove your children from  your emotional and financial relationship with your ex.  “This isn’t something I feel comfortable talking about with you,” or, “This is something mom and I are working on,” are perfect responses to questions that might trigger your own anger or bitterness.

2) Anger and bitterness not only damage your children, they damage you. Practice letting go of angry and bitter thoughts.

3) Forgive yourself when you are imperfect, when you can’t let go.

4) Even if your ex will not cooperate and continues to badmouth you, your responsibility remains: be the best parent you can during the time you spend with your children. And support your ex when you can, keeping in mind: children do better when they have two parents who love them.

5) Relationships are always changing. If you are coparenting, you have opportunities every day to make new overtures. Change begins with one small step. Meet your ex at a parenting conference. Invite your ex to share a birthday celebration or join together for a family holiday. Let your ex know something positive your child said about her.

6) Take the high road. The only person you can change is yourself. Taking the high road means living as if the world is witnessing your behavior. Be on your best behavior and you will have no regrets.

Are there times when befriending your ex is impossible? Uncalled for?  You bet! If your ex is actively abusing alcohol, drugs or other substances, or, is physically or emotionally abusive to you or your children, befriending is not only impossible it’s unwarranted.  Children should not be raised in an unsafe environment, and you may have to consult a lawyer,  or a mental health professional. As a psychologist I help people face these issues every single day.

Dr. Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Ph.D.  is a licensed psychologist, group therapy and workshop leader and  the author of “Befriending Your Ex After Divorce: Making Life Better for You, Your Kids and Yes, Your Ex” (2013) and “A Starving Madness: Tales of Hunger, Hope and Healing in Psychotherapy” (2002). Contact her at www.judithruskayrabinorphd.com

Psychotherapist Provides Strategies to Help Kids Through Divorce

“Your kids are part of both of you.”  This is the message that I consistently send to separated and divorced parents.  Whatever your feelings about your former spouse, you must respect her because she is your child’s mother; he is your child’s father.

All children of divorce will tell you that it hurts them when one parent speaks negatively about the other.  Stuck in the middle is an understatement when it comes to being a child of divorce conflict.  Feeling like the tennis ball in a match between Venus and Serena Williams is perhaps a better analogy.  With each sarcastic word or subtle criticism from one parent about the other, comes the slap of the powerful blow.

In my practice, children articulate their feelings in a remarkably clear manner.  Statements such as “My parents hate each other” or “It’s my Dad’s fault that we have no money” are examples of children’s exposure to conflict between their parents.  Children want their parents to be happy and, if you’re not, you need to shield your child from this discord and take steps toward personal wellness as a parent and an individual.

Consistently placing your children’s needs first after divorce can be challenging.  There are some clear strategies to guide you through this time:

You are Responsible for Your Children’s Happiness: Parents, married or divorced, are responsible for creating an environment for children to develop and flourish.  In cases where children are exposed directly or indirectly to conflict between their parents they will either internalize their worry and anxiety or act out behaviorally.  It is the role of a good parent to show unconditional love and protect their children from emotional harm.  A negative statement about a child’s parent constitutes emotional harm.

Children Worry Even if They Don’t Tell You:  Children worry about everything from “keeping things fair for Mom and Dad” to financial strain caused by divorce and child support.  It is not helpful to share your burdens with your children.  Far too often I have heard children worry about child support and division of assets. These are adult issues.   Just like you wouldn’t share your tax information with the children, keep this to your adult world, as well.

Be Conscious of Your Words and Behaviors:  Unless you are in an individual therapy session, always consider your child when you speak negatively of your former spouse.  Children are highly perceptive and recognize when you are sending a direct or indirect message about something you are unhappy about.  When you are on the phone with your best friend, mother or family member, keep in mind that your child may be listening. Read More

Whether you need a baby shower gift, a present for a newborn, or something “just because” for a precious baby in your life, these natural gift ideas will help you give a present that you can feel good about.

Skin care essentials. Look for gentle products with fewer ingredients. Purchase skin care products that are made without dyes, fragrances, phthalates and parabens. You can also find fragrance-free shampoos, washes and lotions, as well as irritant-free bubble baths. Use a gentle detergent to wash everything that touches your baby’s skin. Include some soft and stylish towels and washcloths made from natural fibers. Help protect baby’s skin when playing outside with zinc oxide sunscreens.

Teething kit. Teething typically starts between the ages of four and seven months. Help parents be ready with a teething kit. Include gauze pads and soft organic washcloths to wipe gums, and homeopathic teething tablets, such as Baby Orajel(tm) Naturals Quick Dissolve Homeopathic Teething Tablets. These teething tablets use soothing, natural Chamomilla as the main ingredient, and they do not contain benzocaine, belladonna, or dyes. Learn more at www.babyorajelnaturals.com.

Feeding helpers. When it’s time to introduce food to baby, parents can prepare by purchasing a baby food maker. You can find models that steam, puree and blend, as well as reheat or defrost precooked foods. Some models come with BPA-free storage containers, as well. Also consider baby plates, bowls and utensils made from sustainable materials such as bamboo, bibs and burp cloths made from natural, organic or recycled materials, and BPA-free sippy cups.

Eco-friendly diapers. These days you can find all kinds of diapers that are good for both baby and the environment. There are chlorine-free and biodegradable disposable diaper options, diapers free from latex and dyes, and diapers made from renewable resources. As some helpful extras, add some gentle, chlorine-free wipes and a zinc oxide diaper cream. If the baby wears cloth diapers, consider chipping in with friends to pay for a diaper service to make life a little easier for the family.

Finding natural products for babies is easier than you think. All it takes is a little bit of research and you will find everything you need.

If the winter winds have been howling outside (while your baby is howling inside), you might be experiencing a touch of the winter blues. After several weeks or months of caring for your new arrival, it’s easy to become stuck in a rut of wearing warm, baggy clothes and staying indoors. And as you contemplate the coming arrival of spring (it’s just around the corner!), you may feel like you are coming out of hibernation, a little sluggish and sleepy-eyed, wondering how to get into the swing of things again.

Realizing that you exist as an individual can come as a shock as you gradually emerge from “newborn fog,” and focusing on personal renewal as you move into life as a mom can feel like a bridge too far.

As you spend so much of your time and energy taking care of a baby—and possibly other children—the idea of starting a new phase for yourself can feel overwhelming. Don’t get hung up on the idea of major overhaul; take small steps instead. Little changes can make a surprisingly big impact. Remember, at the end of the day, it’s important to feel good about yourself, because that’s what will make you the best mother.

Spring, which is naturally a time of growth, change, and renewal, is a wonderful time to start freshening yourself up.

Start to plan some spring resolutions. For me, they make more sense than New Year’s resolutions because springtime is what really feels like the new year. With more hours of sunlight, warmer weather, and vibrant colors to brighten your days, you’ll naturally feel more energized and motivated to refresh yourself and re-enter the world, baby in tow.

Here are nine spring resolutions that will help make your winter doldrums a thing of the past while you begin to blossom as a mom:

Take a step (or two, or three, or more!) toward change. If you’re disappointed to see that last spring’s wardrobe doesn’t quite fit the way you want, don’t worry: You’re normal. Most of us tend to put on winter weight in general. (Did you know that you actually need more calories to keep warm in colder weather?) And with a new baby, your body was bound to change shape regardless of the temperature.

Instead of vowing to start a huge new exercise routine, which, of course, you don’t have time for, I suggest developing a new attitude instead. First, accentuate the positives! Look into the mirror and say, ‘Hey, you’re looking pretty good for the end of the winter.’ Then, start burning calories in baby steps. Promise yourself a ten-minute routine in the mornings; maybe a simple, fun dance DVD that gets you moving for the day. As you build up stamina, you may want to lengthen your routine. And if time is in short supply, remember, a ten-minute workout is better than none.

You might also try to find ways to work out with your kids. With warmer weather and sunny days ahead, load up the stroller and hit the local park or walking trail. Find a mommy-and-me yoga class, or have older and more mobile little ones do the dance DVD with you. Whatever you choose, take plenty of moments to honor your progress with a big ‘Way to go!’

Spring clean your closet. (And be sure to include a dose of color therapy!) If you’ve recently had a baby, then you may be living in wardrobe limbo. The clothes from last spring don’t fit the way they should (and might not be suited to nursing anyway!), but you’re sick of wearing the drapey, frumpy winter clothes that have been hiding the leftover baby weight. What better time than now to “spring clean” your closet? Take an inventory of what you have, what doesn’t work for you anymore, and what you’d like to purchase. Clean out any pieces that you know you won’t wear anymore, even after you’ve reached a goal weight—like that skimpy number you wore on your honeymoon five years ago. Start thinking about ways to reinvent the pieces you keep.

It’s perfectly okay to go out and buy some new pieces that actually fit you now. Don’t spend the entire spring and summer season in clothes that don’t fit or don’t make you feel good just because you are ‘waiting to lose the weight.’ Invest in some fun new accessories and shoes to spice up existing basics. Trust me; when your clothes fit and you feel put together, you’ll feel more energized and refreshed.

As you’re punching up your wardrobe with new pieces, bear in mind that colors affect our moods. Whether we had babies or not, most of us have spent the past several months covered up head-to-toe in heavy grays, blacks, and browns. Chances are, you’re more than ready to turn to vibrant high-energy colors like pinks, greens, yellows, oranges, and blues for an instant boost. So try out a new color that makes you pop. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Go for a simple t-shirt, new lip color, or nail polish. Read More

Lena arrived distraught and tense to a recent therapy group I run.  Her 12-year-old son Joey had been suspended for cutting school. This was the second time this month. Lena had been divorced six years and his dad Rick lived out of state. This was one of the first times since her divorce she actually wished he was closer and more involved.

Lena had been devastated by the divorce. Rick had left her for another woman and she had slammed the door in his face. In these years, she’d become a strong woman and a devoted single parent. She had forbade Rick from entering her home, when he saw Joey, she refused contact. But now she was conflicted. She knew her son needed guidance. The guidance counselor had asked about Joey’s dad. And she knew Joey missed his father, who he saw rarely.

One group member enouraged her to reach out to Rick.  “Call and tell him what’s going on. Tell him his son needs him.” Another member suggested she email him. A third suggested she tell her son to call his father.  Fortunately she rejected that last suggestion, knowing that putting her son in the middle would be damaging.

Rona turned it me- “Is it really possible to have a better divorce- even now?  And how could that happen?”

Rona ‘s question is one you may share: Is it ever too late to have a better divorce? Here are 10 strategies that can help you have a better divorce. Not all of these strategies applied to Lena or will apply to you, so take what you can and leave the rest on the list.

1. Think about the research: Children do best when parents get along. Your 30-year-old is still your child. It doesn’t matter how old your children are. Even children in their 40’s and beyond want to feel the love and support of their parents.

2. Make a post-it: Children do better when parents get along. Place the post it on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator and the dashboard of your car.

3. Create a relationship vision. Think about the kind of relationship  you want to create with your ex now.  The key word is NOW. You may have gotten divorced years ago and your relationship may be ready for a revision. All of our relationships are always changing, and your relationship may need to be altered, tweeked or adjusted. Be concrete. Use your imagination as your ally.

4. Honor the Power of the Pause. Before talking to your children about your ex, before talking to your ex, before talking about your divorce to anyone, take three deep breathes and pause. Stay away from bad mouthing your ex. Stay away from getting trapped in your own negativity. Read More

Flu season is hard enough as is, but for asthma patients, having the flu takes on a whole new meaning. For the 25 million asthma sufferers in America, proper asthma management is never more important than during flu season. Though asthma does not increase the risk of getting the flu, it does increase the risk of flu-related complications. In fact, asthma is the most common medical condition among children and adults hospitalized with the flu.

Nearly 8 million of the asthma sufferers in the U.S. are children. We know how quickly germs can spread among kids, and if your child suffers from asthma, the flu can be even more serious for them.

The symptoms experienced by asthma sufferers can be explained by a key underlying cause – inflammation. Asthma causes the large and small airways in the lungs to swell and in turn increases airway sensitivity. When the flu virus hits, it can worsen the inflammation in the large and small airways. As a result, the most common symptoms such as coughing, wheezing, trouble breathing and chest tightness may get worse. The increase in inflammation can also lead to pneumonia and other acute respiratory diseases.

However, the severity of these symptoms during flu season can all be limited by following these simple tips.

• Get a flu shot at your family doctor’s office. This is a good idea to consider for the whole family. If you catch the flu, the last thing you want to do is pass it along to your family. The shot is a great way to protect yourself and your loved ones from the spread of the flu virus. While there is a nasal spray vaccine, this is not safe for asthma patients. If you or your child has asthma, stick with the flu shot.

• Take asthma medication as it’s prescribed. It’s important for you or your child to properly use your asthma medication as prescribed in order to prevent and manage the symptoms of an attack. If you find that you or your child is using a quick-relief inhaler more than two times a week, you should talk to your healthcare practitioner about whether or not a controller medication would be an appropriate addition to your treatment regimen. If you or your child is already on a controller medication, be sure to take it as prescribed, especially if you are supposed to take it up to two times a day.  Discuss your treatment options with your healthcare practitioner before making any changes to your treatment plan.

• Maintain good hygiene daily to protect your family’s overall health. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 5 percent to 20 percent of Americans get the flu each year. Stay out of that percentage by keeping clean. Regular cleaning of your home can also help maintain a healthy, germ-free environment and prevent the spread of the virus.  Read More