Helping Children Develop a Healthy Attitude About Money
November 13th, 2011 
Carol 
Many children will have fewer gifts this holiday season then in previous years. This financial reality provides mothers and fathers with the perfect opportunity to ponder the meaning money has played in their life and to consider what they would like to teach their children about it. The best way to educate kids about the significance of money is for parents to explore their own feelings first.
The bare necessities initially come to mind when we consider the importance of money: food, clothing, and a roof over one’s head. Once those basic needs are covered, however, money is used in a variety of ways.
How we think about money is influenced by our upbringing. We learn all sorts of things by watching our parents. We learn about family life, about relationships, about love and respect, and we learn about the underlying meaning of money too.
Money is used to punish and to reward. It can represent dependency and self-reliance. Money can be a sign of greed and of generosity. It can stand for freedom, security, success and failure. It can be a means to an end or an end in itself.
The subtle and not so subtle messages of everyday life slowly, over time, become the core of a child’s understanding of how to think about money. Whether we worry about money, hide it, fight about it, are overly focused on making it or give it little regard, children learn from us a lesson that influences their developing personalities.
Although they are unlikely to refuse it, guilt money is a particularly painful experience for kids. On the surface, spending lots of money on children seems to cheer them up. On a deeper level, however, throwing money at problems undermines family relationships and creates unhealthy family dynamics. It also teaches kids a less than optimal lesson about problem solving.
What to tell kids about financial difficulties is another money related dilemma many families face. Kids can usually sense when something is wrong and they tend to fill in the blanks when important information is kept from them. Good communication doesn’t guarantee that children will be more cooperative or understanding. As a general rule though, avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t make matters any better either.
The objective is not to lie, but not to frighten or burden kids either. Rather, we want to teach them that money related issues can be responsibly discussed and overcome. Another important message is that talking about problems is the best way to begin to fix them. Demonstrating this coping strategy will serve them well as they grow up and confront their own difficult times.
Developing a healthy attitude about money probably isn’t what most people put at the top of their to-do lists as they begin preparing for the holidays. Spoiling our sons and daughters feels like a pleasant relief to the burdens of life. And, children love presents, (we all do) there’s no doubt about that.
Enjoy the holidays! Rather than over over-indulging your family and friends take on the season with a sense of balance. Have fun without compromising your budget. Neither gifts nor money are a substitute for love. Love is sharing yourself is a thoughtful, honest, in depth, caring and consistent way. If you’re not completely happy with the meaning money has taken on in your life, this is certainly the right time of year to be re-evaluating that.
Loren Buckner, LCSW, author of “ParentWise: The Emotional Challenges of Family Life and How To Deal With Them” received a B.A in the Administration of Justice from American University and earned a Master of Social Work degree from Tulane University. She is a Fellow at the International Psychotherapy Institute, a member of the Chinese American Psychoanalytic Alliance, and a member of the Tampa Bay Psychoanalytic Society. Loren Buckner lives in Tampa, Florida, where she is in private practice as a psychotherapist. She is the mother of two grown children and has been married for over thirty years. A sought-after speaker and presenter, Loren has addressed local, national and international groups about the emotional challenges of raising children. Visit Loren Buckner on the web at: www.parentwisebook.com.
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