Today's Parent | Parenting Resources… Articles, Advice, Help & Tips

Does your child erase and redo homework over and over again until it’s just right? Is anything less than 100% not good enough?  Welcome to the world of perfectionism, where unrealistic expectations are daily and unrelenting. Perfectionists engage in frequent hypercritical self-talk, bringing themselves down and creating a whole lot of stress within the family. With these children, the goal is to change their mindset.

Begin by using the following techniques:

Reward efficiency, not grades — Studies show that the majority of perfectionist children have parents who are demanding and overly critical. Although this certainly isn’t the case with every child, it’s important for parents to pay attention to how they act and react when it comes to grades. Let’s say your daughter brings home a 90% on a writing project. Instead of saying, “This is good, but you could have had a 100% if you had a stronger thesis statement.” Consider “Way to go! You worked hard on this project, but didn’t spend too much time revising it. It turned out just fine!” Praise your child’s efficiency when she gets her work done in a timely manner without redoing it multiple times.

Help to make a homework plan — When it comes to homework, perfectionists sometimes procrastinate because they fear the work they will produce won’t be good enough. Having a homework plan helps them to feel in control and more confident. Encourage her to start with an easy task followed by a hard one, and to repeat this sequence (easy, hard, easy, hard). In essence, she’s easing herself into homework by starting with something she likes. Later, she’s rewarding herself after a tough assignment with an easy one.

Switch gears — If you see that your child is spending an inordinate amount of time on one homework assignment, switch gears. At this point there are three choices. The first is that she can either quickly finish it up with the mindset that it just has to be good enough. The second is that she can take a much-needed break away from all homework, and the third is to switch subjects and go back to that assignment later with a fresh frame of mind. Read More

While children should be engaged in reading from an early age, adults must not treat reading as a must-do activity. Reading should be an activity that children want to do and are excited about it, and a good way to start is letting them take the lead. How can we do this? Let your child select a book, and be patient with them as they figure out their own learning and reading pace.

Some Helpful Tips:

1. Parent Reading: Let your kids see you read. This practice sets a precedent and since children like to imitate parents, it encourages reading from an early age.

2. Time: Designate a time, maybe right before bed or after an evening bath, to sit down and read with your child. The routine time helps to improve focus.

3. Environment: Create a cozy setting to encourage reading. Set up some cushions by the window or curl up the sofa. A comfortable spot makes reading all the more comfortable.

4. Gift: Books should be given to a child on a frequent basis, not necessarily only for special occasions. A frequent small gift not only makes a child feel special, but it also encourages them to treat books as an “anytime” reading tool.

5. Book Fairs: Encourage visits to book fairs at local libraries or schools. These special visits can help children look forward to picking out their own books as they continue reading.

Reading not only helps facilitate learning, but also provides a framework for a relaxed atmosphere, making it easier to instill the good habit. Good luck!

A. Lawati is the author of “The Jungle Adventure of Chimpoo,” which follows a young monkey on his search for his Papa. The book is centered around the importance of self-confidence and not judging others, illustrating an initially scary owl that soon becomes a trusted friend. For more information, visit www.chimpoonfriends.com.

A recent survey finds that most eighth and ninth graders consider Algebra to be their toughest – scariest – subject. Their parents share the same algebra anxiety. A staggering 97 percent of parents feel more prepared to talk with their children about drug and alcohol use than to help them tackle their algebra homework. Those facts are scary.

The new survey underscores how ill-equipped most adults feel to help their children with algebra, which is often introduced in middle school. The survey finds that one third of middle-school students say they are willing to give up video gaming and Facebook for a month if it means they’d never have to solve another polynomial equation. Parents feel just as lost. More than seven in 10 parents polled feel that helping their kids with algebra homework is harder than teaching them to drive a car.

The nationwide survey of eighth and ninth grade students and their parents was conducted between August 1 and August 8, 2011 by Kelton Research.

Algebra is crucial to every student’s success, especially in technology dependant 21st century professions.  Mastering algebraic concepts inherently leads to success in high school mathematics and eventual success in college and career. Our children’s future depends on the mastery of these essential skills.

The question most parents ask: How can I help make algebra less scary for my child?

Every child learns algebra differently and these skills build over time. One of the most important considerations for student success in algebra is their readiness. In this process, the first step is to identify the student’s algebra proficiency and understand if any skills require improvement. Identifying student misconceptions, challenges, and struggles earlier can help parents and teachers better understand the kind of support the student needs to succeed.

Parents who are concerned—or curious—about how prepared their child may be for algebra can take matters into their own hands by screening their child’s readiness through http://www.fit4algebra.org. Fit 4 Algebra: Take the Algebra Fitness Challenge is a free, interactive online “screener” that parents can use to check their children’s algebra readiness. The 21-question check-up is built on the key skills identified by the National Mathematics Advisory Panel as providing the basic foundation for algebra. Read More

We’re well into October, which means that a gaggle of witches, ghosts, vampires, and more are about to descend on neighborhoods around the country. For kids, Halloween is a dream come true: the chance to dress up, stay out late, and—best of all—fill their bellies with candy. For parents, though, Halloween can seem like more of a trick than a treat. In the age of childhood obesity, it’s already a huge struggle to get our kids to live healthy lives; the last thing we need is to compete with a bag bursting with candy bars.

Relax—you don’t have to resign yourself to weeks of sticky fingers and chocolaty smudges as your children gorge on the wrong kinds of food. Families can enjoy this holiday without consuming ghoulish amounts of calories.

If you’re the parent of an overweight child or adolescent—or even if you’re just interested in reducing the amount of sugar your kids consume—it’s natural to worry about Halloween candy and the effect it will have on your child.

So how can you keep your child from succumbing to the obvious health pitfalls during a candy-obsessed holiday like Halloween?

One of the most important things to keep in mind is that keeping Halloween healthy can’t be about deprivation. If you keep your kids from candy altogether or are too tight-fisted when handing it out, your children’s desire to gobble it up will only intensify. It’s the classic forbidden fruit principle. Instead, make Halloween about enjoying treats in moderation. Try to achieve a balance between candy, healthy foods, and activity.

Unless you put your kids in a cave until candy corn has disappeared from store shelves, you can’t prevent them from wanting to indulge. But you can take the focus off of junk food while still enjoying this holiday! Here are eight tips:

Infuse Halloween with some action. While it’s a good idea to remain active year-round, place a special emphasis on exercise during the weeks leading up to Halloween in order to prepare for the extra calories that are on the horizon. Talk with your kids about how you can offset increased calorie consumption so that they make the connection.

And when the witching hour itself arrives, walk instead of ride while trick-or-treating. Point out to your kids that being active doesn’t have to be “work”—in fact, it can be freakishly fun. Your kids can race from house to house, play flashlight tag while trick-or-treating, etc. (Make sure to wear tennis shoes!) And as the navigator, you can plan out a route with widely spaced houses in order to get in more walking and less candy.

After the trick-or-treating buzz has faded, make it a rule that no one gets to consume candy calories without first burning them. In order to eat a leftover treat, your kids will first have to play outside or participate in some other type of physical activity. This is a great time for some family bonding time too—play a game of kickball together or get everyone rounded up for a lap or two around the neighborhood.

Fuel up for trick-or-treating. In the midst of all of the costume-donning, face-painting hustle and bustle, don’t forget to eat dinner—a healthy one. You might consider pre-planning a crock-pot roast or long-simmering soup that will be ready to eat when you need it so that you won’t have to divide your energy between the stove and your little ghost’s sheets. If your kids feel full while collecting candy, they’ll be less likely to overindulge. When your kids fuel up on a hearty meal that they enjoy, they won’t be as tempted by the things that aren’t good for them, like candy.

And even if your kids have eaten beforehand, be on the lookout for mindless munching while they’re going house-to-house. They will certainly overindulge this way. Don’t deprive them totally, though, or they’ll only want their newly acquired candy more. Allow them one or two small treats during or after trick-or-treating (after inspecting them for safety, of course!), and save the rest for later.

Play up dress-up. As Halloween approaches—and during the evening of October 31st itself—build your kids’ excitement around things other than candy; namely, their costumes! At least within your own house, you can make Halloween a holiday about dressing up, not about amassing a collection of candy. Let your children play an active role in choosing what they want to be, and if possible, spend time together working on a homemade costume. Remind them how much fun it will be to pretend that they’re saving the world, just like their favorite action hero, for example.

When you focus on the dress-up aspect of Halloween, that’s what your child will be most likely to look forward to—not candy. I’m not saying that a cool costume will overshadow all thoughts of candy, because it won’t. But it might just take the edge off your child’s plans to gorge on treats. Even after Halloween is gone, you can still encourage your kids to don their costumes and play—another fun way to encourage physical activity.

Welcome the Great Pumpkin. We’ve all heard of the Great Pumpkin. According to Linus van Pelt from the beloved comic strip Peanuts, the Great Pumpkin rises from the “most sincere” pumpkin patch on Halloween night, then flies around the globe delivering toys to good boys and girls. You can easily make this holiday figure a part of your family’s tradition and cut down on candy consumption in the process.

First, allow your kids to pick a few things from their bags after they get home from trick-or-treating. (Set a limit; for example, a maximum of 10 treats.) Then put the rest of the candy out for the Great Pumpkin. While your children sleep, he will visit your home and trade the candy for a game or toy they’ve been wanting.

For older kids or teens, consider a ‘Great Pumpkin Prize List’ instead of a visit by the mythical gourd himself. You can list several small items your child might want and assign a value to each. For example, turning in ten pieces of candy might earn a $5 iTunes gift card, and five pieces might be traded for an evening of TV privileges. Your children are still satisfied, and you can rest easy knowing that the candy is not going into their bellies. Read More

As a pediatric physical therapist and mother of three, I have noticed a trend in the last 10 years of my practice.  After extensive research and in speaking with numerous other pediatrics professionals around the country, I have found the trend is widespread.   Since the inception of the Back to Sleep campaign parents are increasingly afraid of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).  This great push to change the way we care for our infants has had some negative side effects that we are now seeing in increasingly high numbers.  It is difficult to dramatically change the way we do things without having an impact in other areas.

Although SIDS is the third leading cause of infant death in the United States, it is actually thought to be a rare occurrence with the number of infants with this diagnosis approximately 2000 per year of all babies born.  By definition, SIDS is the unexplained death of an infant under a year old.  What this translates to is a cause of death is not found after complete autopsy, investigation of the death scene and a review of the baby’s and family’s medical history.  Therefore, it is not so much a diagnosis or disease process, rather a lack of a known cause.  Researchers believe the number of SIDS diagnosed cases will continue to reduce as technology improves in finding new causes of infant death.  An example of this is the use of ultrasounds to detect heart defects in the infant during pregnancy.

Three main diagnoses in the field of pediatric physical therapy are on the rise as a result of the Back to Sleep campaign and the increase in SIDS awareness. Shortened neck muscles (torticollis, up 84%), flattened spots on the head (plagiocephaly, up 48%) and developmental delay have all increased during the Back to Sleep years.  This is due to the practice of exclusively placing a baby on its back.  To many, the back to sleep recommendation translates to never place a baby on his or her stomach.  The result is the rise in these diagnoses.  If left untreated, torticollis and plagiocephaly can have profound impacts on vision, skeletal development and muscle development as well as increase probability of the need for physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and special education once the child reaches school age.  Torticollis and plagiocephaly are not just cosmetic issues.  While treatable, the best course of action is prevention.

The issue of developmental delay is on the rise for two reasons. The first is the lack of time spent developing the muscles of the back and neck by spending a disproportionate amount of time lying on the back.  Development of the extensors, or back and neck muscles, occurs from lying on the stomach and moving against gravity.  The second is the increased use of car seats, bouncers, swings and other confining apparatuses.  A baby cannot develop balanced muscle strength if he or she spends the majority of time confined in one of these baby containers.  Opportunity for movement and exploration of different positions against gravity is how a baby develops not only muscle strength, but also vision, the balance sense and coordination.   You can never give a baby too much opportunity to develop the movement systems of the body, hence, there is no time limit for any one position.

The Back to Sleep campaign and the fear of SIDS has brought about some useful awareness in caring for infants. The main benefit has been the education of parents about the dangers of an infant sleeping on a soft surface and the dangers of placing soft, plush items in the baby’s sleeping area.  It should be clearly understood that suffocation and SIDS are two completely different things.  Incidentally, the diagnosis of suffocation has quadrupled in the time that the SIDS rate has supposedly dropped.  Experts believe this dramatic drop in the SIDS diagnosis can be explained by a more accurate classification of the cause of death due to the concurring rise of other infant death diagnoses during the same time period.  A safe sleeping environment is key to reducing the risk of infant death.  A baby sleeping alone in a crib, bassinet or play yard devoid of heavy, thick blankets or other soft items is best.  In addition, the best way to ensure optimal development and reduce the risk of torticollis, plagiocephaly and developmental delay is to give a baby equal opportunity for movement in a variety of positions.

Stephanie J. Pruitt, PT, CKTP, author of “The Truth About Tummy Time.” For more information on SIDS, the Back to Sleep program, car seats and more visit www.abouttummytime.com.

All medicines are poisons; we just take them in small enough doses to kill only germs.  But when small people get into a small amount of medicine, even vitamins, the results can be deadly.  Young children are usually exploring when they find medicines and do not understand what they are “eating”.  Medicines should never be referred to as candy and you should never entice your child to take his medicine by telling him “it tastes good like candy,” as this sends the wrong message.

It is important to take precautions to avoid potential danger to your child. Keep medications in their original bottles or containers: never put a mixture of pills in an unmarked bottle.  Remember that older adults have trouble opening pill containers and therefore their prescriptions will not have childproof caps or they may just leave the caps off altogether.  When visiting older adults such as grandparents, always check the kitchen counter or nightstand to see what potential dangers lay there.

Medications should never be carried in purses, as kids often play in mom’s purse. A particularly dangerous instance for this is during family gatherings: everyone assumes someone else is watching the kids and there are potential time bombs lying in your child’s sight.  Put them all in a locked room.

Also understand that kids are like little monkeys from the time they can crawl.  If they want something badly enough, no matter how out of reach it seems, they will find a way to get to it.  Putting medicine in a high cabinet is not safe.

So what should you do? Treat all medicines seriously whether they are over the counter or prescription drugs.

The safest place for all your medicines at home – even Tylenol, Motrin or vitamins – is in a toolbox or tackle box with a combination lock.  By the time the child is old enough to figure out the lock, they are old enough to know not to take the pills!

If you suspect your child has ingested a medication or vitamin, keep calm and immediately call the universal Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222.  A poison expert is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and will give you specific instructions on what to do.  Do NOT make your child vomit.  If your child is having convulsions, stops breathing or passes out, call 9-1-1.

Pamela J. Beach-Reber, MD, MBA, FAAP, FACEP, After Hours Pediatrics Urgent Care.

Forget any expectations you have of skipping from house to house with your elated, well-behaved toddler. The first Halloween experience may look drastically different than what you anticipate.

Be ready to go home early if you need to and pay close attention to your toddler’s over-stimulation signals to make sure it’s fun for both of you. You can make it a great, ghoulish night filled with good memories, or hideously heinous by engaging in this list of killjoys.

1. Find uber-uncomfortable costumes.

Think that hooded cow costume would be adorable on Junior? Make sure he tries it on and successfully wears it several times before Halloween. Some costumes cause serious wedgie issues, while others are insufferably scratchy.

2. Let Junior have as much candy as he wants.

Why is the kid with a ghost costume such a messy eater? Because he’s always a goblin! If you want to be the fun parent and let your kid engorge on ridiculous quantities of high fructose corn syrup, be my guest! And watch your toddler spin right off the planet. If that doesn’t sound like fun to you, check out “Healthy Halloween Habits” from KidsHealth.org for tips on successfully curbing your child’s candy consumption.

3. Visit all the creepy decoration houses.

The best way to ensure that your three-year-old wakes up with nightmares for a week is to trick or treat neighbors who clearly forgot Halloween is for young, innocent kids. Boycott “R” rated Halloween props by averting your eyes and skipping those houses. For the design-challenged among us, our dear friend and Halloween fiend Martha Stewart has easy-to-follow (and friendly) DIY outdoor decorations.

4. Dress everyone in black.

Parents, help your kids learn some safety. According to a study reported in Time.com by Safe Kids USA, children are twice as likely to be hit in a car accident on Halloween than on any other night. Maybe your kids rarely walk outside as it is, so take this opportunity to teach them the right way to cross the street and how to handle approaching cars. Always carry a flashlight, especially for dark costumes, and consider some reflective gear as well.

5. Fail to comb through the candy bag.

Razors and rat poison in Halloween candy? Maybe that urban myth has some morsel of truth, but the biggest threats to your child’s health via Halloween candy are cavities and obesity. Pull out cheapo candy like hard mints or taffy and toss them directly out. Find free printable coupons to a craft store from sites like CouponSherpa.com, and offer to trade some of your child’s candy for crafts.

6. Allow the little ones to go out alone.

Never allow your kids to go out at night unaccompanied by a responsible adult or older sibling. Offer to take your neighbor’s kids out for a while so your own children can trick or treat with a friend. Even letting your small kiddo run next door or across the street at night is a huge hazard–they need to go with someone. The Center for Disease Control has a nifty acrostic to help you have a safe Halloween.

Ashley Grimaldo comes from a long line of penny pinchers and enjoys blogging on money-saving tips and advice for frugal-minded parents. She lives with her husband and three children in Bryan, Texas. Ashley has been featured among such media outlets as Redbook, The Chicago Tribune, Time.com, and CBS News-Houston.

For all media inquiries, please contact Ashley Grimaldo at ashley@kinoliinc.com.

One of the best ways to prevent bullying is to raise kids who don’t  participate in or tolerate the behavior. Here are 14 things that parents can do in order to not raise bullies.

Have “the talk” about bullying. The truth is, nobody ever thinks their kid is a bully. It’s always someone else’s child who is calling other kids hurtful names, pushing them around on the playground, and sending nasty texts. But even if you don’t believe your children have even thought about crossing the line, talking to them about bullying is crucial. Have a specific discussion with them about what bullying behaviors look like, and make sure your kids know that these behaviors will not be tolerated in your family. (Think of it as having “the talk” about not using drugs, for example.)

Make sure your kids know that bullying is hurtful. Especially when they’re younger, kids might not have the emotional maturity to make the connection between their words or actions and how they make another child feel. Explain to your children that bullying can have devastating effects on others (even if that wasn’t the bully’s intent) and on the perpetrators themselves.

Share statistics with your children. If you feel it’s age appropriate, take a few minutes to research bullying statistics with your child. A quick Internet search will reveal a large number of disturbing facts. For instance, according to www.bullyingstatistics.org,

• Almost 30 percent of young people participate in bullying behaviors or are bullying victims.

• Every day, around 160,000 students do not attend school because they are afraid of being bullied.

• Young people who have been bullied are two to nine times likelier than their nonbullied peers to consider suicide.

Seeing these statistics can prove to your child that bullying isn’t just something that Mom and Dad are needlessly worried about—it’s something that is happening at their schools and to their peers.

Teach your kids to intercede. Teaching your kids not to participate in bullying behaviors is a good start, but it’s also important that they not allow their peers to be tormented. Encourage them to step in if they see another child being treated badly—if they are comfortable doing so. If not, make sure your child knows to talk to a teacher or other authority figure when another child is being tormented. Even an anonymous note on a desk can open an adult’s eyes to a bad situation.

Be involved every day. It’s tempting to think that the best thing we can do for our children is to provide a good life for them, to include not only the basics of food, clothing, and shelter, but also a good school, weekly piano lessons, and an everybody-plays sports team to participate in. No, those things aren’t at all bad, but they also can’t take the place of what’s truly the most important thing in a child’s development: his parents. No activity, program, or hobby can replace time with your kids. Being involved in their lives on a daily, nitty-gritty basis will allow them to stand the best chance when it comes to making all the right choices (not just avoiding bullying). Don’t leave your children’s development in the hands of others or up to chance.

Don’t be afraid to discipline. I am not advocating “spare the rod; spoil the child”—but kids need to be aware of boundaries from a young age. They need to know that if they violate the rules, there will be consequences. Period. It’s important to squelch bullying behaviors the moment they appear instead of writing them off as a “stage” or “normal part of childhood.” For instance, if you see your daughter being nasty or overly bossy to her younger brother, tell her that she needs to play more nicely. Pre-determine consequences that will be enacted if the behavior doesn’t change and make sure your daughter knows about them. Then stick to your guns.

Explain the why. Making sure your children know the rules of good behavior—and the consequences when they step over the line—is a good first step. But if you want those behaviors to “stick” when you’re not around (not to mention after your kids leave home), it’s a good idea to make sure they understand why the rules are there in the first place. For example, explain why you don’t make jokes about the way somebody looks—because it hurts feelings! Read More

Halloween may be scary, but it doesn’t have to be hazardous. It is important that parents become educated about these potential dangers and take the necessary precautions to keep children and pets safe.

In fact, children are more than twice as likely to be hit by a car and killed on Halloween than any other night of the year. In addition, falls and burns are also a common cause of injuries among children.

Here are some pointers to ensure a fun, safe and happy Halloween:

1. Make sure your child’s costume (including beards, masks and wigs) is clearly marked as flame resistant or look for flame resistant fabrics such as nylon or polyester. Avoid billowing or long trailing features, especially those made of lightweight fabrics or materials. Your child should wear well-fitting shoes to prevent trips and falls. Costume accessories, including swords and knives, should be soft and flexible.

2. Consider non-toxic makeup instead of a mask. Facial gear can obstruct the child’s vision or restrict breathing. If they do wear a mask, make sure the child can see and breathe easily.

3. Decorate costumes, bags and sacks with reflective tape or stickers. Reflective tape and stickers will glow in the beam of a car’s headlights. Equip your child with a flashlight or glow stick to illuminate pathways and curbs. Make sure to stay on well-lighted streets.

4. Unless your pet really enjoys it, avoid the temptation to dress up your dog or cat in a costume. If you decide to do so, be sure that the costume doesn’t interfere with the pet’s ability to breathe, see, hear, move, or bark or contain small or dangling accessories that may be chewed off and cause a choking or intestinal obstruction. Supervise your pets in their costume at all times.

Don’t be disappointed! You can still snap an adorable photo of your pet in the costume.

5. The safest place for your pet is in a secure area within your home where they won’t have a chance to be spooked by strangers or dart outdoors. In case your pet does escape, make sure they are wearing collars with ID tags. Remember that even the sweetest animal can act differently in new situations, or even become violent when they feel threatened.

During the Halloween season, it’s not a good idea to leave your pets outdoors, even if you have a fenced in yard. Keep your animals safe from vicious pranks. Read More

Recently, First Lady Michelle Obama made news when she led hundreds of children in performing one minute of jumping jacks on the South Lawn of the White House as part of her “Let’s Move!” campaign.

This event was also intended to help set a world record for the most people doing jumping jacks in a 24-hour period, while spotlighting the importance of fitness and showing that exercise can, literally, be as fun as child’s play.

Working out doesn’t have to be a boring, ‘same old’ routine. There are many different ways to get fit and in shape – you just have to get creative and unleash your inner child!

In fact, many activities we think of as children’s games provide plenty of grown-up benefits as well. For example:

Jumping jacks are great as part of a warm-up routine, because they engage most of our muscles and increase the heart rate.

Skipping rope improves cardiovascular fitness, strengthens the upper and lower body, and burns calories.

Hula hoop: A study sponsored by the American Council on Exercise indicates that this form of exercise – especially when using a weighted hoop – strengthens the back, abdominal, arm, and leg muscles. And, it is a great core toner and waist firmer as well.

Hopscotch is a great activity for improving balance, stability, agility, and coordination.

Monkeying around: Clutching onto tree branches or monkey bars will give your arms and shoulders a great workout. And, if you can do chin-ups while you’re at it, you’ll boost your strength too.

Many other games, especially group ones, can be turned into terrific and enjoyable workouts. For example, tag, tug-of-war, potato sack race, and many other activities that incorporate brisk movement, strength, and agility will be effective. As long as you get your heart rate up, build up your muscles, burn some calories, and have fun doing all that, you will benefit from those activities – no matter how old you are.

Maribel Bleeker, owner of North Palm Beach Adventure Boot Camp for Women and certified fitness boot camp instructor with 12 years experience in the fitness industry. Launched by fitness expert Bleeker in January 2008, the North Palm Beach Adventure Boot Camp for Women is a women’s only fitness program that specializes in the areas of fat loss/weight loss, endurance and strength. Schedule and details are available at www.NpbBootCamp.com. Bleeker can be reached at Maribel@NpbBootCamp.com or 561-315-1239.