Today's Parent | Parenting Resources… Articles, Advice, Help & Tips

As frustrating as the teenage years can be for parents, they present an opportunity for those parents who are willing to be patient, to take stock of their own strengths and weaknesses, and to perceive their teen’s outstanding gifts, despite their sometimes obvious weaknesses. Are you ready to let go of the child as you knew him – young, dependent, irascible _ and embrace the young adult who is thinking, acting, and directing his own life? Here are some ways to help prepare for this important transition.

1. Be a coach, not a “parent”

You may need to shift your parenting methods from the telling/directing, which may work well with younger children, to the question-asking, dispassionate mode that allows you to help your teenager think through situations, weigh pros and cons, and come to their own conclusions. The older they get, the more they will rely on this important ability to be an effective critical thinker.

2. Set firm, but moderate guidelines

Many college students who had extremely strict parents become most likely to binge drink and “overreact” to their independence out of the nest. Students raised with loose standards at home tend to raise children who don’t learn how to set healthy boundaries. The best strategy for parents is finding a balance. Set clear expectations, but don’t be unreasonable. Expect trust from your teen until that trust is violated.

3. Acknowledge strengths

Each of us has his or her own gifts and talents, but some abilities aren’t recognized in the traditional academic environment. How does your child spend his time? What careers and fields would link to his passions? How can you acknowledge and promote those strengths so that your child can see them as true gifts?

4. Promote options

Teens today are more stressed out than ever because they think they have to “do” all of these steps correctly and then they will be rewarded with some magic ticket to success. Actually, the opposite is true: If they learn to take risks, to deal well with failure, to learn for learning’s sake instead of making an “A,” to seek challenge, to be comfortable with ambiguity, to develop an indomitable spirit, then they will be successful in college, career and life, no matter how many challenges come their way.

5. Be patient with self-discovery

Your teen may not know what she wants to study or what she wants to be when she graduates from high school or college. That’s OK as long as she commits herself to the process of self-discovery. If she can wait expectantly while she is exploring her hunches, landing internships, taking classes that interest her, learning a foreign language, joining an organization, then she will learn about herself. If your teen is not college-bound, the same will apply as they enter the world of work.

If you are willing to step back from the current scene, see yourself and your child from the 50,000-foot perspective, and impart that healthy perspective to your teen, he will be able to deal successfully with any situation as goes off to make his own way in the world.

Your 6-year-old probably has been exposed to many pre-reading and writing activities in kindergarten and has looked forward to first grade. It is an exciting time for both of you; most children start to read independently between the ages of 5 and 7.

However, experts believe the age at which a child learns the alphabet, or even the methods by which he is taught to read in school, are not as important as the skills he gains from pre-reading activities early in life.

Show your enthusiasm about books and emphasize reading as entertainment by reading aloud to your child at least 30 minutes each day. Make frequent trips to the library to let him choose books, share your childhood favorites, and select books that are recommended by teachers and librarians.

When reading aloud, frequently stop reading and ask questions or let your child predict what might happen next. Encourage him to re-tell his favorite part of the story. Follow the print with your finger to emphasize that words are made up of letters, are separated by a space and go across the page from left to right. Sometimes point back and forth between the printed word and a picture of the object that it represents.

Children who are unable to tell the difference between a letter or number, or a letter and a word, when they enter first grade often have difficulty learning to read words. Show your child that words are everywhere. Read aloud the words on store signs, road signs and billboards as you pass by.

Before most children are able to read words, they must develop an understanding of phonemes, the smallest unit of sound in our language that makes a difference in a word’s meaning. For example, the word “hat” contains three phonemes, “h,” “a,” and “t.” To improve phonemic awareness, recite nursery rhymes and poems, and play rhyming games.

Play games that sharpen your child’s ability to hear how words are divided, such as, “Can you say baseball without the base?” (“ball”), and how to discriminate between words that rhyme: “Which word does not rhyme: hat, cat, sat, man?” (“man”)

Help him to categorize sounds by asking questions like: “Do you hear the word nut in peanut or peaches?” (“peanut”) Read More

If you check throughout your home, you will be shocked to find an array of potentially poisonous products, such as medicines, household chemicals, and plants. And in the hands of a small child or pet, these products can be deadly. Fortunately, accidental poisoning is a preventable injury. But it’s up to parents, grandparents and caregivers to be educated about what types of substances can be harmful to children and pets.

Here are some potentially poisonous products in the home, which some people may overlook:

1. Table salt: A little as half a teaspoon to an infant or a tablespoon to a toddler can cause damage to his central nervous system.

2. Alcohol: It can lead to seizures, coma and even death in a young child. (Examples of household products that can contain alcohol: mouthwash, perfumes, colognes, and aftershave, vanilla extract, cough and cold medications and hand sanitizers.)

3. Baby oil: When you swallow baby oil and other hydrocarbons, they can easily go down the wrong way and get into your lungs. Only a small amount can cause pneumonia within a few hours.

4. Antifreeze: Children or pets could drink large amounts of this sweet-tasting liquid if it is left out in an open container or if spilled on your driveway. The main ingredient in many major antifreeze brands is ethylene glycol, which is extremely toxic. Consider using antifreeze with propylene glycol, which is considerably less toxic, or use antifreeze that has a bittering agent (denatonium benzoate) added to make it taste unpleasant.

5. Windshield washer fluid is extremely toxic. It can cause blindness soon after ingestion.

6. Dieffenbachia and Philodendron: These two common household plants are frequently ingested and can cause very serious symptoms. These plants contain oxalates, microscopic crystals that get released into the mouth when the plant is chewed, causing extreme pain and inflammation. Read More

As we make way into this second decade of the 21st century, parents must accept the fact that our human lives have become immersed in technology and the Internet. That goes double for our kids. But just because everyone is using it, does not mean it’s completely safe. In fact, it is just he opposite. Just as in the real world, there are people in cyberspace that aim to harm others.

One of the most talked-about dangers lurking online is Internet predators, and let me state this: they are real!

I read multiple stories every week about Internet predators being busted in sting operations. Time and time again, law enforcement reiterates this message: ‘you must protect your children from online predators. These guys do exist!’ They aren’t kidding. They are making a statement and giving advice based on what they see every day at their job.

What parents should be afraid of is not so much the predators who are out there in droves, but the fact that more often than not the meetings between kids and predators are consensual. Kids are falling into grooming traps and are saying yes on their own accord.

The reason? Teenagers are programmed to take risks. Some experts say at-risk kids are more likely to be at risk when online. But isn’t every child at risk of making an ill decision? Unfortunately for parents, one of the biggest risks they take is talking to strangers online.

For some reason, in the Internet age and this time of unlimited mass-communication, where children can literally communicate with the entire world, parents are afraid to ask their kids whom they are talking to online. They are afraid to check up on their kids and verify who they are making friends with in the globally-spanning digital community. This is the equivalent of leaving your child alone in New York City at 2 a.m.

While I agree a change in Internet safety education needs to come about, a quick pep talk with your kids on the topic will never do the trick. You can be certain your child will not consciously push aside their curiosity and desire to explore, simply ‘because mom and dad said so.’ Did you when you were their age? Read More

The Government Accountability Office recently found that textbooks can represent up to 25% of the tuition and fees at four-year public institutions, and as much as 75% of the tuition and fees at two-year community colleges.  With $306 billion in annual spend for college students, the price of an education is rising.  The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics quotes that $361 are spent per student, per month.  On average, $900 per year on textbooks, and textbook prices have been rising at twice the rate of inflation over the last two decades. These money-saving tips can help parents and their college-bound children:

1. Ignore the little things

Don’t stress out about paper, pens, and the small things.  Many parents stock up on a ton of these things, and their kids never use them.  While your kids may pay more for these things once they get to school, wait until they find out exactly what they want and need.

2. Timing is Everything

Back to school season is one of the largest retail seasons of the year, and stores will offer huge discounts for common products.  Find these discounts and you’ll save big.

3. Student Discounts

Several stores offer discounts specifically for students. Now that you’re kid is a college student, they can capitalize on this.  Student discounts are great for computers and electronics.

4. Research Textbook Costs

You can often save 50% or more by buying your textbooks online.  Use a price comparison engine to make sure you find the best possible prices – a good one is SwoopThat.com.  It integrates directly with your courses and automatically searches the web (Amazon, Half, Abe Books, etc.) to find you the cheapest prices for all your books.

5. Browse Craigslist

You’ll find a ton of cheap and great second hand products.

6. Download some sweet iPhone Apps

There are a ton of great apps for college students.  Use rate my professor to sign up for good classes, Evernote for easy notes during class, or Pageonce Personal Finance to manage your money. Read More

You can hear the groans across the country. Summer has barely begun and already retailers are holding back-to-school sales. Toys R Us actually started their sales July 1, with an end date of July 23. The National Retail Federation says some sales may continue through August, but there might not be the same selection. That’s reason enough to consider shopping now.

The question is how to save without busting your budget. Here are 11 savings tips to help you through this early shopping season.

1. Take Inventory

Consider what you’ll actually need before hitting the stores. Has your child grown out of their schools clothes or will they do so by September? Can you reuse last year’s school supplies or will you need to replace some items?

2. Set a Budget

Create a shopping list and stick to it, so you avoid impulse purchases. That fancy-schmancy Transformers’ Trapper Keeper can push your budget over the edge.

3. Use Coupons

There may be great deals, but coupons can make them even greater. Check out sites like CouponSherpa.com that offer a wide selection of online, printable, and mobile coupons for back to school savings.

4. Shop Early

While it seems awfully early to think about school shopping, this is when stores are rolling out their best deals of the year. As they say, the early bird gets the worm.

5. Go Mobile

Tap into your mobile phone with apps like “RedLaser,” which allows you to scan bar codes and find any cheaper prices online or at other retailers.

6. Check Social Media

Twitter and Facebook are great places to find deals offered to a brand’s social-media fan base. “Like” or “Follow” the merchant and keep an eye out for coupons and sales announcements. Read More

You’ve been through it before. Your child is sick at 2:00 AM and you rush to the ER hoping to find relief. After checking-in you are asked to give a full account of your child’s medical history. Sleep-deprived, you rack your brain trying to remember which vaccinations are up-to-date or if they are allergic to any medications. Unfortunately your attention is drawn away from the person who needs you the most at that moment—your child.  Sound familiar? If so, it may be time to consider using a personal electronic health record.

An electronic health record provides easy access to detailed, electronic medical information. Even the most in-depth files are clearly streamlined and complete with the latest updates on your child’s health issues. Whether you visit one doctor or several, the EHR is available online anytime and anywhere. No lost films, no having to decipher a doctor’s handwriting or requesting test results.

As an emergency room physician, I often see parents struggling with hospital staff to communicate a child’s medical history. Understandably, in the middle of the night, it is hard to paint a comprehensive picture for a new doctor.

Today a personal electronic health record can offer peace of mind. Parents have the opportunity to take control of the information needed to help their child. Electronic health records give you the freedom to review, ask questions and share your child’s medical history – as well as help physicians make an informed diagnosis.

Should you choose to set-up an electronic health record, it should:

• Be easy to set-up. In just a few steps you should gain access to and be able to maintain your secure electronic record 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

• Allow parents to share information with multiple health care providers for time saving collaborations.

• Help avoid costly and unnecessary repetition of tests and procedures through record keeping.

• Quickly and easily outline prior care to reduce the risk of medical errors.

• Provide a quick review of immunizations, specialist reports and prescription records.

• Allow your doctors to collaborate and contribute to your single comprehensive medical file.

• Be cost-effective and easy to use.

With this life-saving information easily available online, doctors can provide the best treatment and parents are free to focus completely on their children.  A few saved minutes and the presence of valuable information can make the difference in both everyday life and during emergencies.

Dr. Martin H. Orens is a board certified emergency room physician. With more than 25 years of experience caring for patients, Dr. Orens recognizes the critical importance of readily accessible, comprehensive medical records. Some years ago, he envisioned a system in which patients would have the ability to obtain and provide their own valuable medical information at all times, anywhere in the world—a particularly indispensable service in times of urgent or emergency care. In 2011, Dr. Orens realized his dream by launching KARE Information Services (KIS) Electronic Health Records.  He is the president and founder of KIS, which offers a secure, yet easily accessible personal Electronic Health Records (EHR) system that empowers patients and helps health care providers to better serve them. For more information please visit http://www.kisemr.com.

Over summer break, kids often complain they are bored. Without the daily structure of school, it’s a challenge for parents to keep kids occupied, let alone stimulated and learning.

While it is good for students to have a break every so often, three months is a long time to go without the discipline they have in the school year. Watching TV or sitting in front of other screens all day is not good for their development and can contribute to weight gain and other problems. Kids who aren’t engaged using their brains can end up feeling tired, listless and lazy.

Fortunately, parents can help their kids stay mentally stimulated and ready to learn over the summer. Playing a musical instrument is a great way to keep kids in learning mode.

When a young person plays a musical instrument over summer break, they are doing more than polishing their skills on their particular instrument. They are using their brains in ways that will boost their ability to learn when they return to school for the fall.

One of the biggest benefits of music lessons and practice is requiring kids to use their problem-solving skills. Learning to play a piece of music requires them to break down complex passages into smaller parts, identify the core problem and come up with a solution. These are the same skills students use to solve problems in math and other academic subjects.

Music lessons in violin, piano and other instruments offer a great structure to keep kids learning over the summer. But not all families are able to invest the time and money required. For these families, the ocarina is a great first instrument.

A little pocket-sized wind instrument with a pleasing sound that dates from ancient times, the ocarina is easy to play and inexpensive. Kids and adults who have not played a musical instrument before can pick up simple melodies quickly with the aid of books and recordings.

The ocarina can also be a springboard to other instruments that require a higher level of commitment. Kids can ease into learning some of the basic aspects of pitch and rhythm and develop confidence to inspire them to keep learning. If they show real promise and enthusiasm they can always go on to a more difficult, expensive and time-consuming instrument later.

The ability to learn on your own really sets the ocarina apart from many instruments. This is not something you would want to try with violin for instance, as it can be really painful for both the person trying to learn and those listening. Even with instruments considered easier to learn, like guitar, beginners should seek out a teacher. If you are going to do something, aim to do it well because you won’t get the same benefits if you do it badly.

Whatever instrument you and your child choose, get your child in the habit of practicing on a daily basis. For the more challenging instruments, I encourage students to continue their lessons with their teacher over the summer. Those who skip summer lessons end up having to go back and re-learn things in the fall. Read More

There’s an increasing sense that the current generation of kids is growing up selfish…maybe too selfish. It’s not unusual to hear, “When can I get the next video game?” or, “I want to eat here, not there,” or worse, “I’m not going to eat this,” (when you’ve just finished cooking a lovely meal for your family) coming from a pint-sized mouth. Many kids also seem to lack gratitude, are reluctant to help out, or don’t demonstrate thought for others. Yes, “kids today” are undeniably more “me-focused”…but, it’s not all their fault. They aren’t being cultivated by us—their parents, teachers, mentors, and community members—to be a very thoughtful generation.

I don’t believe that kids are acting selfishly because they don’t want to help—it’s more that they aren’t really sure how to help others and give back, because they aren’t being taught. It’s crucial for adults—especially those of us who are parents—to start early when it comes to raising our kids with a passion for philanthropy.

Giving back to others, whether it’s in his own Boston “backyard” or in a foreign country, has become an integral part of my life. Many of the organizations with which I’m involved reach out to young people, and I’m amazed by how readily these children and teenagers embrace the principles behind selfless service.

I’m convinced that the ‘me’ generation isn’t as egocentric at heart as it’s made out to be. However, kids do need to be guided in a positive direction, and often, that starts in the home. Parents are the greatest influencers when it comes to developing their kids’ habits and behaviors—including cultivating a desire to give and to help others. If they see you giving back as a part of your regular life, they’ll learn that behavior and carry it with them into adulthood.

Ready to help your child take the first steps from selfishness to selflessness? Then read on for ten ways that parents can get their children geared up for giving back:

Explain philanthropy to your kids. Before you and your kids get into the proverbial trenches, it’s important to first help them realize that giving back doesn’t just mean donating money, and that generosity is not limited to giving away things you no longer want. It’s important, especially when kids are young, to start with the very basics of why it’s important to give. For example, you might ask them, “If you did not have enough food to eat or warm clothes to wear on a cold day, wouldn’t you want someone (even if you did not know them) to help you so you got the food and warmth you needed?”

Kids will usually do what you say they should while they’re under your roof, but they won’t continue to pursue philanthropy throughout their lives unless they understand the ‘why’ behind it. Explain the charity work you do to your child. Tell her why you do it and who it helps, and keep an open dialogue going in your household to help her understand what’s going on. The more questions your child has (and you answer), the better grasp she’ll have on the concept.

It’s never too early to start (don’t wait until your kids are “old enough”). Empathy is a concept that children can learn from a very early age, so look for and take advantage of teachable moments. You can start with something as basic as encouraging small children to share with one another. Ask them to consider how they’d feel if they didn’t have a toy, and how their feelings would change if a friend gave them one, for example.

You can find ways for children to volunteer their time at any age, all year round. Smaller children can help to sort recycling or contribute to decorating posters for a bake sale or other event. Once your kids get a little older, they can donate a portion of their holiday or birthday money to a charity, or they can choose a toy to donate to needy children. You can also involve your children in philanthropy through family-wide activities like sponsoring an underprivileged child during the holidays and helping to buy his back-to-school supplies, or going as a group to visit nursing home residents.

Make it a part of everyday life. As most parents know, you’ll probably never have as much time or money as you’d like, so waiting for “just a little more” of either is futile. When it comes to giving back, there is no better time to start than now, using what you already have! You don’t need to possess unlimited time or money to get involved—you can find smaller, simpler ways to make helping others a part of your everyday routine.

When many people think of philanthropy, they picture big-money donations and orphanages founded in third-world countries—and those things certainly qualify. However, the everyday efforts of ‘ordinary’ people can also have an incredible impact. Just remember that since parents need to model good behaviors, you’ll need to walk the talk that you’re giving to your kids. If you’re grocery shopping with your children, for example, buy an extra bag of pet food and drop it off at the humane society on the way home. Then encourage your kids to be giving during their own everyday tasks, whether that means sharing art supplies or helping clean up. Read More

Asking children repeatedly to complete chores or homework seems like just one more roadblock to effective parenting. It is…and here’s why. Parents focus on behavior — their child’s outside part — and miss the child’s inside parts: feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and, most importantly, trust in one’s self-worth.

When a car will not start, do we keep turning the key, hoping the battery will miraculously function each time? No, we go right to the inside part. We pop the hood and charge the battery. Then we turn the key, and voila! We’re good to go. Inside part fixed; outside part works fine.

Knowing a child’s inside and outside parts will eliminate a lot of roadblocks, making your parenting journey a lot more pleasant.

Here’s a quick “parts” review.

Outside parts — performance and character.

Good performance and good character are two important cornerstones for building self-worth.

There’s nothing like an A as a reward for great effort. Most parents focus on the end goal — a clean room or completed homework assignment — and they don’t pay enough attention to the effort part. Teach your child to exert his or her best effort at all times and your child will be successful. Effort is a lot easier to control than results.

Positive character ensures enduring relationships — the most rewarding and healthy life success. Responsibility, perseverance, empathy, self-discipline, and honesty are the basic character traits that need to be taught daily.

These character traits have two big-time positive consequences:

1. acceptance by adults and peers, and

2. self-confidence.

We’re not born with these traits; they need to be learned. And you, the parent, are the best teacher.

Inside parts — thoughts, feelings, beliefs.

These are the inside mechanical parts of a human being, the power source for doing what we do. We all have about forty thoughts per minute going through our minds, each thought filled with feelings (happiness, sadness, anger), causing what we say and do. And beliefs give us our internal rules for right and wrong and are the cause of everything we do.

Feelings are the most powerful inside part, the energy source for determining your child’s outside behavior. When Amie’s mad, she’ll yell, argue, or hit. When James is happy, he’ll laugh and joke. Feelings are the x-ray picture of what’s going on within the heart of your child at any given moment. Respond to your child’s feelings first and your child will feel you meeting his or her life — essential need to be understood, especially during conflict.

Trust is an essential human need for our entire lives. Developing trust in a child is in a parent’s job description: Instill trust and your child will become a trustworthy, successful adult.

During infancy trust is about being adequately nurtured with food and feeling emotionally comfortable when upset. Then, throughout the adolescent years, it’s about physical and emotional safety and feeling understood and accepted, no matter what problems pop up.

And the result of instilled trust?

Children feel comfortable in their own skin, they learn to rely on themselves, and they’ll know when to trust others. Translated into a kid’s lingo: Since Mom and Dad trust and believe in me, I feel good enough about myself and know I can handle just about anything — including finding great people to love.

Sound complicated? It can be, but the following three tips will make it a lot easier and you’ll get plenty of rewards along the way. Read More