Today's Parent | Parenting Resources… Articles, Advice, Help & Tips

Let me guess: your otherwise balanced and well adjusted child has a limitless craving for stuff. Everything seen on a commercial, appearing in a kids’ magazine or in a colorful box in a store creates a desperate need. They ask and ask and ask, and tiring of saying “no” all the time, you relent. And the cycle continues. Buy. Rinse. Repeat.

Why That’s Good

The good news is that your child is exhibiting perfectly healthy, adaptive behavior. Think about it from her perspective. She asks for stuff, and sometimes she gets it. If she doesn’t ask, she usually doesn’t get it. Lastly, there’s no downside to asking. That’s the formula. So the rational, appropriate learned response is to ask all the time. If your kid does that, he or she is learning appropriately. That’s good. Of course, all this desire and consumption is not helpful long term – it develops bad habits toward spending and consumption and fills our homes and lives with waste.

What To Do About It?

What’s missing in the above dynamic is a counterweight to immediate consumption. Remember, where there is no cost to asking, and there is a perceived benefit, constant asking and bad long-term habits are the results.

You can help your child by introducing an alternative into the equation. We’ve found that a goal that the child has adopted can be more compelling than an impulse purchase, and will be very effective in helping the child control the urge to consume.

Let’s say that your boy wants a new bike. He sees a picture of that bike and knows what needs to be saved to get it. Each week part of his allowance goes toward the bike, and on his birthday friends and family contribute to his goal. He sees a progress meter getting close to the goal and he gets engaged in challenge. It is a game in its own right. Read More

In classrooms across America, teachers strive to provide engaging lessons, meaningful homework, and assessments, but more often than not, our students aren’t LEARNING HOW TO LEARN. Kids walk out of their classrooms armed with study guides, notes, and chapters to read, but they don’t know how to put that information into storage for retrieval tomorrow, next week, and three months from now.

As the end of the school year approaches, tests will be coming at students in many subjects and might be critical in their final grades.

For many teens, studying means merely quickly reading through their textbook or notes. Wrong! Studying should not be passive; it should be a full contact sport. In order to really study, students need to get engaged in the material. This type of studying is very different from merely reading over the material.

The following tips will help your child properly prepare for all upcoming tests.

1.  Set the groundwork

Helping a younger child study for a test might be a piece of cake, but teens usually resist their well-meaning parents’ support.  When you know a big test is coming up, approach your child early on. Consider asking, “Can you show me how you’re going to study?” Remember, the end grade isn’t as important as the process. Knowing your child is putting forth effort is key.

2.  Use the study guide as an aide only

If you are reviewing test material out loud with your child, be sure that you don’t ask questions from the study guide verbatim. Often, students memorize only what is on the study guide without making connections to material. For example, in addition to asking for the definitions for mitosis and meiosis, also ask how they are the same and different.

Helping your teen make connections between important topics helps them develop into a more flexible thinker. This is important because the actual test questions may not be asked the way they are printed in the study guide.

3.  Try using 3×5 cards

Using 3×5 cards to read, review, and recite is a very simple study technique. The idea is to get kids to quiz themselves, so they’re able to study independently. When your child has a study guide or an old quiz from which to study, they should read the question, cover the answer, and try to recite the correct response. If they get it right, they check it off and go to the next one. If it’s wrong, they practice a few more times until they get it down.

4.  Utilize mnemonic devices

Researchers have found that using mnemonic devices can help students improve their memory skills by connecting to-be-learned information to what the learner already knows. One common mnemonic device is HOMES, which is an acronym for the Great Lakes — Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, and Superior. This strategy is flexible; it can be used with virtually any type of rote memorization. Once students are shown how to use this technique, they come up with all kinds of catchy acronyms to make retention easier. Read More

Kids in America are continuing to grow and grow, and not in the way that make us proud. Our kids are becoming fatter and fatter and not enough is being done to prevent it. As families face increase pressures due to the economic downturn, kids are suffering in terms of their nutritional intake. It may be easier to feed our kids what is fast and easy…pop a box from the freezer and pop it in the microwave. Sadly these quick fix meals are really a quick way to becoming overweight as they are loaded with salt and sugars and other hidden ingredients that cause further cravings for the same kind of bad food. So what can we as parents do to prevent this epidemic from getting worse and causing increased disease among our young people?

1. Find other “fast and easy” ways to create healthful meals. It may seem like it is faster and easier to eat from a box, but often it is just as quick to have fresh foods that aren’t pre-packaged. Grab some green veggies from the fresh vegetable section from the supermarket and a lean protein such as chicken breasts. These simple and healthful meals are as easy to prepare as something that comes from a box, yet they are devoid of high sodium, sugar and trans-fats. Avoid giving your kids sugary snacks throughout the day. Offer them fresh fruit instead of ice cream.

2. Avoid, at all costs: juices, juice boxes, flavored water, and soda. None of us want our kids to drink straight sugar, yet that is what is happening when they drink the above-mentioned items. These drinks have very little, if any nutrition in them yet are loaded with sugars. Read the labels and know that not all sugars are listed as sugar. Look for high fructose corn syrup and other disguised sugars.

3. Pay attention to how you eat and communicate about food. Kids pick up on everything we do and this does not stop when it comes to our own nutrition and eating habits. If we eat poorly we can certainly expect that our kids will too. If you exclaim that you hate spinach, so will your child. Eat a variety of fresh foods and offer the same to your child and they will learn to eat a healthy and varied diet.

4. Healthy eating does not happen only in one meal. This is important for parents to know. We can all get so caught up if our child has one “bad” meal, but healthy eating happens over time. It is important to continue this trend of healthy eating over time and not get so worried if there is a lapse here and there. Sometimes the parent that is hyper focused on eating and weight can cause the other extreme of eating disorders. It is imperative that parents have their own issues around food and weight resolved so that they don’t indirectly place them onto the child.

5. Move, move and move again. Kids have become too sedentary. Television, the Internet, texting, and social media sites are culprits when it comes to kids just sitting around. The old days of playing outside are long gone, yet they need to be brought back. Restrict the computer, TV and cell phone, and get your kids outside and moving. HAVE FUN and do this every day.

Child obesity is preventable. Pay attention to the simple things mentioned and you will be on your way to providing your child with a healthy eating lifestyle and one that is filled with fun activity. Employ the steps together as a family and you will not only have a healthier lifestyle, but also more enjoyable times together as a family.

Jennifer Kelman has a BA in Sociology from American University and a Masters in Social Work from New York University and has worked with children in a variety of psychiatric and medical settings. She is the Creator of Mrs. Pinkelmeyer, who inspires self-esteem in children through her love, warmth and silliness and author of the new children’s book, “Mrs. Pinkelmeyer and Moopus McGlinden Burn the Rrrrump Rrrroast,” available on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Booksamillion and www.MrsPinkelmeyer.com.

As technology advances and integrates into our lives, it is important for parents to not just focus on all of the negative undertones, but how they can teach their kids to be good online citizens. Remember—social media represents a new form of communication and has provided an easier way to become more involved in the lives of family members and friends.

Youth should be encouraged to use the Internet as a tool that can benefit their lives, rather than kept off-limits.  Here are three tips for parents when it comes to approaching their kids and social media:

Monitor the use, don’t forbid it.

On average, teens spend 80 percent of their time on social networking websites, proving that it has become a convenient and primary form of communication.  You might be worried with the amount of time spent online, but also remember that kids use the Internet for a variety of activities – homework, communicating with friends and family, and playing games. Restricting all online social interaction usually leads to rebellion; so monitor it instead. For younger kids, limit the amount of time spent, types of websites they can visit and check in on their social media activity. For older kids and teens, develop an open dialogue about their online behavior and be aware of what networking sites they use.

Educate them on safe social media use.

Have an open discussion with your kids! Talk to them about how the Internet works and point out the many reporting and blocking tools that are available on most social media outlets.  Immediately reporting any negative social media activity to you, a teacher, or friend is the most important message you could relay to your kids.  Let them know if they face cyberbullying, inappropriate contact or a stranger asking for personal information, they should feel comfortable telling someone they trust right away – with the confidence that you will not be angry with them.

Ensure they utilize social network privacy settings.

It is important for youth and parents to understand how social networks can be personalized, privatized and intertwined to become a connected community hosted online.  You don’t need to know the ins and outs of a social network, but you should be aware of the types of social networks your kids are using.

Parents need to be encouraging the “why,” and not the “how.” While you show your kids how to privatize the profiles, talk to them about the risks associated with posting personal, private information online. Once they understand all the risks, they’ll be much more willing to make use of their privacy settings and keep them updated on their own.

Online social interaction has become increasingly vital to the lives of youth because they’ve begun to use social media as a research tool, homework aid, and means to chat with friends and family.  It will only become more prevalent, so open the social media conversation with your kids – and discover together the positive things social media has to offer!

Ryan Moreau, Internet safety expert and panelist with Kiwi Commons. Kiwi Commons is a web resource that provides late-breaking news, guides, videos and tips. Founded in July 2008, KiwiCommons.com is dedicated to giving readers the most relevant and up-to-date resources available on youth Internet safety. Covering topics such as cyberbullying, privacy, social media, predators, exploitation, and gaming addiction, Kiwi Commons provides the necessary resources to take a proactive approach to Internet safety. For more information or to learn about Kiwi’s Expert Panel and other Internet safety initiatives, please visit www.KiwiCommons.com.

Parenting is a tough and frustrating job. More than anything we want to help our kids grow into healthy, happy adults. Yet when they don’t behave the way we want them to, it’s all too easy to resort to tactics we’re not proud of. Yelling. Threatening. Even spanking. We use these discredited discipline techniques even though we can clearly see that they are not effective. And not only do they make our kids feel bad, they make us feel even worse. And yet, because we don’t know any good alternatives, we stay stuck in the cycle of negativity…and nothing ever changes.

Good news, there is a parenting technique that lays out a loving, nurturing path for raising happy, well-adjusted, well-behaved children. It’s called emotion coaching and it feels good to parents and kids alike. And best of all, it works.

At its heart, emotion coaching is about teaching your child how to recognize and express the way he is feeling in an appropriate way. Once you are able to help your child to understand and communicate his feelings according to his developmental abilities, you’ll see a change in the way you interact with one another. Not only will you begin to see results, you’ll feel great about the relationship you are nurturing with your child.

Emotion coaching is a gentle, open-hearted alternative to old-fashioned, often aggressive discipline that can be used with babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and young school-age children. Ultimately, it gives parents the know-how and the confidence to build strong, productive relationships with their children.

So if emotion coaching is the answer we’ve all been waiting for, why aren’t more parents doing it? There are four common roadblocks that trip up even the most well-meaning parents. Read on to see if these obstacles are holding you down and to see how emotion coaching can help you to parent more successfully:

ROADBLOCK #1: You Default to One of Two Extremes: Control-Based or Hands-Off Parenting.

Picture this: It’s late afternoon and you’ve (finally!) found five minutes to make the phone call that’s been on your list all day. Meanwhile, your children, who are admittedly going a little stir crazy, are running up and down the hallway, feet pounding on the wood floor and yelling after one another as they play a raucous and rowdy game of “tag.” As the noise level rises, your patience wanes, and you feel your frustration begin to boil over to near-combustion levels.

So now what do you do? If you’re like many parents, it depends on which of the two “traditional” choices you gravitate toward. Maybe you blow a gasket, screaming at your kids to pipe down and go to their rooms—or else. Or maybe you simply raise your white flag—find a way to excuse yourself off the call, sighing heavily and throwing your hands up in surrender—because kids will be kids no matter what you do.

Emotion Coaching Solution: Find the middle road.

Thankfully, there is a middle road here—and emotion coaching provides a solution that works for both the parents and the kids. In this particular case, there’s no need for punishment, but the kids should not be allowed to disrupt their mother’s phone call either.

Instead of yelling or ignoring, the emotion coach mom takes a deep breath and says, “Guys, you are being really loud. I can see that you have tons of energy—so can you take it outside, please? I’ll come out and play with you as soon as I’m off the phone. Right now, I need your help, so please head out back.”

ROADBLOCK #2: You Discount, Minimize, or Deny Your Child’s Feelings.

Discounting, minimizing, or denying a child’s statements or feelings are knee-jerk reactions for most parents. Everyone does it—and usually without realizing they are doing it in the first place. The reason is that we have a tendency to put our own feelings and issues before our children’s.

For example, if your child complains of being hungry thirty minutes after you ate lunch together, you think about the fact that you just ate, and you aren’t hungry, so there is no way that she can be hungry either. Rather than stopping to consider how she truly feels, you discount her feelings and brush off her request with a dismissive, “Oh, you couldn’t possibly be hungry!”

Or, for example, let’s say Tommy falls down on the playground, and you pick him up, brush him off, and tell him he’s all right. You may think that you are doing the right thing by parenting him to not be overly sensitive and to “get back on the horse.” In actuality, you are (unintentionally) neglecting to think about what emotions that incident may stir up for him: pain, fear, or embarrassment, for example. Read More

As the winter begins to wrap up and we all think and long for the dog days of summer some decisions do need to be made. Some of us struggle, as we are unsure as to when is the right time to send our child to sleep away camp. I don’t believe that there is an exact age that is the “right” age, it may be more about the readiness that your child exhibits that lets us know they can handle being away from home.

Here are 5 signs your child may be ready for sleep away camp:

1. Your child begins to express an interest in going to camp

This is an easy sign that lets you know that your child is ready.  As they develop peer relationships in school and begin spending more time with their friends away from you, this may be the time when a child verbalizes their desire to go away.

2. Your child is able to spend longer periods away from you without upset

At younger ages, we often see that kids express a desire to have sleepovers with friends, but once the child is at their friend’s home, some anxiety may develop and they desire to return home.  If this is still the case, I would recommend that you wait until your child can have sleepovers without being upset or returning home.

3. Your child gets along well with their peers

This may seem like a no brainer, but if your child is displaying any type of behavioral problems at home or in school, most likely these will follow them to camp, and it may not be a good idea to have them go away, as being away at camp could exacerbate the issues. Kids need to be able to get along with others. This is a major part of their growth at camp.

4. Your child is able to follow directions from leaders

There are so many wonderful things that your child will be learning at camp. Being able to follow directions and respect the counselors and group leaders is a necessary skill in order to be away from home.  Often times, kids who are away from their parents may think they have free reign to do and say whatever they please, so it is important to discuss this aspect with your child and make sure they are capable of handling it while they are away from your watchful eye.

5. Your child is asking to attend the type of camp that fits their needs.

It is possible to have your child be ready for camp, but a mistake is made when choosing the type of camp. Some camps emphasize sports and others theater, or science.  It is crucial that you don’t place your child in an athletic camp if their desires and talents are in other areas.  Your child will more than likely feel out of place and this can be a set-up for failure.

Figuring out the right time for your child to attend sleep away camp may be tricky, but paying attention to the signs they are ready may help make this process a bit easier. I do not believe in pushing a child to go before they are ready. Even if your child expresses the interest to go away, it is still possible that they may get home-sick as they acclimate to their new environment.  Just remember this is normal and should pass as they become entrenched in camp life, which is a rewarding and growth producing experience.

Jennifer Kelman has a BA in Sociology from American University and a Masters in Social Work from New York University and has worked with children in a variety of psychiatric and medical settings. She is the Creator of Mrs. Pinkelmeyer, who inspires self-esteem in children through her love, warmth and silliness and author of the new children’s book, “Mrs. Pinkelmeyer and Moopus McGlinden Burn the Rrrrump Rrrroast,” available on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Booksamillion and www.MrsPinkelmeyer.com.

Start by Casting a Wide Net – If you and your teenager haven’t already done so, start by putting together a long list of potential schools of interest—up to 20 schools—for further investigation and research. Carefully consider a wide range of selection criteria, such as, geographic location, rural/suburban/urban campus setting, size of student enrollment, religious affiliation, academic strengths and offerings, tuition, tuition assistance and athletic programs, among others. Include a range of “dream,” “target” (strong odds of acceptance based on your teen’s SAT and/or ACT scores, grade point average (GPA), and “safety” schools.

Finalize Your Target Tour List – Once you have compiled your initial pool of possible school targets, narrow down that list to a more realistic number of schools to visit—schools that meet the criteria for your teen and your family. Fine-tuning your list is a task that can easily be accomplished by visiting schools’ Web sites, reviewing college guides from the library or bookstore and, of course, by working with your teen’s school guidance counselor. Other students, friends and family members can also offer invaluable insights.

Get SAT/ACT Test Prep Support – If you remove a school from your teen’s final target list because his or her SAT or ACT test scores aren’t in that school’s typical accepted student range—or you’re afraid they won’t be—consider obtaining SAT/ACT test prep support. With student application submissions hitting record highs—and acceptance rates at historic lows at many schools around the country—the level of competition to get into the “top” colleges is more intense than ever before.

Visit While College is in Session – Every family’s final “visit” list of schools is different; some travel to 12 or more campuses while others only visit a handful. Based on the geography of your target tour list, you may, in fact, wind up making a few road trips—perhaps one over spring break and then one or two long weekend treks. Regardless of how many campuses you visit, make sure to schedule your visits while college is in session and students are attending classes. Don’t visit during midterms or finals and avoid weekend visits if at all possible, since classes are seldom held then. Be sure to call ahead and check on tour times, dates offices are closed, and visit/interview policies. If spring proves problematic because your target schools have spring break the same week your teen does, fall of senior year is also an ideal time to visit.

Remember the 2/2/2 Rule–Two schools a day. Don’t try to visit more than two schools a day, especially if the schools aren’t close to one another. Any more than that and you’ll never have enough time to really get a fair sense of the school, which after all, is the entire point of taking the road trip. Read More

We live in a microwave society where most expect to get what they want – instantly, or at least in less than a minute.  Technology was designed to make our lives easier and in many cases, to help us connect with others faster. Today, we have immediate access to people and information through commonly used technology like the Internet and cell phones.

These new advances have tricked us into believing that fame and success can be achieved overnight, if we’ll only work harder, longer and faster. We’ve adopted an “all or nothing” attitude that says we must either succeed or fail, there is no in between.

Unfortunately, the increasing use of technology has done more to create a gap between people, than it has to lessen it. The real impact of this can be found in how we relate to our children. These days we are more likely to poke our kids on Facebook than to embrace them in a life-breathing hug.

But your job as a parent is to teach your children that there is an “in-between;” the period between success and failure and it sometimes lasts for years.  As a parent, your job is to prepare your children for adulthood so that they are able to experience successful, satisfying and happy lives.  In order to accomplish this, there are some fundamental life skills you need to teach them:

Long ago, there was a six-year old boy who, having lost his father, was left to take on the brunt of the household responsibilities while his mother returned to full-time work. He helped raise his younger siblings – cooking and cleaning.

This boy would hold several jobs over the course of his adulthood, from insurance salesman to service station operator. He would experience devastating setbacks, financially and personally, throughout his life. But there was one constant – he loved to cook. Read More

Investing in a college education is always worthwhile; in this economy, it is even more crucial.

Over a working life, the typical worker with a four-year college degree earns in excess of 60 percent more than a worker with only a high school diploma. When you invest in something this important, you want to be sure it’s worth your time and money. One way to do that is to make sure the college and the program you choose are “accredited.”

Unlike some other countries, the U.S. Department of Education does not accredit colleges or universities or specific programs within them. Instead, the government recognizes private educational associations-either regional or national-that evaluate institutions and accredit those that offer sound educational programs.

“When you invest in a college degree, you want to be sure that it will be recognized by potential employers. Accreditation is your assurance of quality. It lets you and others know that a college meets recognized standards,” says Jim Montoya, Vice President of Relationship Development at the College Board.

Accrediting agencies evaluate a college’s academic programs, financial condition, facilities and administrative procedures.

College accreditation means:

• The degree you earn will be recognized as a worthwhile academic credential by employers, graduate schools and professional licensing boards.

• You may apply for federal financial aid. Only accredited colleges may distribute federal financial aid to their students.

• Your tuition will qualify for federal income tax deductions and/or credits, if you meet other conditions.

• The academic credits you earn will be eligible for transfer to another accredited college.

• The college is financially sound and will likely still be in business when it’s time to grant you a degree.

There are more than 2,600 accredited four-year colleges and universities and more than 1,800 two-year colleges in the United States.

The bottom line is this: One of the first things you should verify when you look at a college is its accreditation-especially if it has been operating for only a few years. If you can’t be completely confident that the degree you earn will be accepted as a bona fide credential (or that the college will still be in business when you graduate), look elsewhere.

It’s not hard to find accredited colleges. Every college appearing in the College Board’s “College Handbook” or in the College Search feature on collegeboard.com has been accredited by either a national or regional accrediting agency recognized by the U.S. Department of Education. www.collegeboard.org

Whether hiding their peas in napkins, or feigning a full stomach, many kids in America will do just about anything to avoid eating their vegetables. But with childhood obesity rates more than tripling in the past 30 years, and nutrition related diseases on the rise, the need for a diet rich in vegetables is more urgent than ever—a fact not lost on First Lady Michelle Obama who has made anti-obesity initiatives a top priority.

So why are kids having such a hard time eating healthfully?  And what can be done to reverse these trends?

When considering these questions, it’s worth noting that American children are much more likely to push their vegetables aside than kids in other countries.  Experts think that one contributing factor is the powerful and persuasive marketing messages we target at our children. These messages, along with the use of heroic characters, cartoons, catchy slogans, as well as calculated store and restaurant layouts, all conspire to get kids to eat more fast fare, sugared cereals and junk food.

In addition, parents often send their children mixed messages about vegetables and nutritious eating without realizing it. For example, when you tell your child that he must eat his broccoli before having ice cream, he will equate the broccoli to a chore that is unpleasant, and place a higher value on the ice cream, which he now views as a reward for the difficult task of eating his broccoli.

The good news is that you can “re-vegucate” your children more easily than you think, and reinforce the idea that veggies are awesome. One tactic that parents are using successfully involves turning the tables on the “reward-punishment” pattern. These parents discovered that children can be rewarded for good behavior with their favorite fruits or vegetables, like a banana, carrot or sweet potato. Some have reported their great surprise when kids responded with delight at the sight of an apple or a handful of cashews (yes, nuts are fruits). Read More