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Estate planning is a task that people tend to put off, as any discussion of “the end” tends to be off-putting. However, those who leave this world without their financial affairs in good order risk leaving their heirs some significant problems along with their legacies.

No matter what your age, here are some things you may want to accomplish this year with regard to estate planning.

1. Create a will if you don’t have one. Who doesn’t have a will? You might be surprised. Some tremendously wealthy people have passed away without leaving a valid will. For example, Pablo Picasso and even Howard Hughes!

It is startling how many people never get around to this, even to the point of buying a will-in-a-box at a stationery store or setting one up online. A recent Lawyers.com survey of 1,022 Americans found that just 35% had wills. (For that matter, only 18% had some kind of trust.)

A solid will drafted with the guidance of an estate planning attorney may cost you more than the will-in-a-box, but may prove to be some of the best money you ever spend. A valid will may save your heirs from some expensive headaches linked to probate and ambiguity.

2. Complement your will with related documents. Depending on your estate planning needs, this could include some kind of trust (or multiple trusts), durable financial and medical powers of attorney, a living will and other items.

You should know that a living will is not the same thing as a durable medical power of attorney. A living will makes your wishes known when it comes to life-prolonging medical treatments, and it takes the form of a directive. A durable medical power of attorney authorizes another party to make medical decisions for you (including end-of-life decisions) if you become incapacitated or otherwise unable to make these decisions.

3. Review your beneficiary designations. Who is the beneficiary of your IRA? How about your 401(k)? How about your annuity or life insurance policy? If your answer is along the lines of “Mm … you know … I’m pretty sure it’s…” or “It’s been a while since …”, then be sure to check the documents and verify who the designated beneficiary is.

When it comes to retirement accounts and life insurance, many people don’t know that beneficiary designations take priority over bequests made in wills and living trusts. If you long ago named a child now estranged from you as the beneficiary of your life insurance policy, he or she will receive the death benefit when you die – regardless of what your will states.

Time has a way of altering our beneficiary decisions. This is why some estate planners recommend that you review your beneficiaries every two years.

In some states, you can authorize transfer-on-death designations. This is a tactic against probate: TOD designations may permit the ownership transfer of securities (and in a few states, forms of real property, vehicles and other assets) immediately at your death to the person designated. TOD designations are sometimes referred to as “will substitutes” but they usually pertain only to securities. Read More

Now, more than ever, so many households are experiencing puberty and perimenopause and menopause (I call it PM&M for short) at the same time. Why? In 1980, the average age of a first time mother was 23. In 2010 that number jumped to almost 27 (26.8).  This matches up a 14-year-old child with a 41-year-old mother. So what happens when you mix adolescent hormones and menopausal hormones in the same house?  Hormone combustion!

These days, households with both teens and moms entering perimenopause and menopause (PM&M) can reach an atmosphere of playoff intensity and become a place of hate and not love.  That’s not a beneficial situation for anyone! I’ve heard so many stories that absolutely break my heart. From children going to stay with friends because neither child nor parent knew how to resolve the issues, to separation and divorce.

Sound familiar?  You’re not alone.

The good news is that amidst all this chaos, there is an opportunity to turn this time into one of growth and connection.  We can all get through this together, if we really get down to the business of what’s really going on.  Often the anger or frustration that we send outward is really just an overflow, or misdirection, of that same anger and frustration that we might have towards ourselves. Working on yourself, your own personal growth, knowing your body and being prepared, will help ease the tension you have in your relationships – particular with those closest to you.

It seems as soon as our children begin puberty they stop talking. They begin pushing adult figures away in an attempt to achieve independence.  This process is hard enough on mom, but if she is experiencing perimenopause and menopause (PM&M), it’s a dangerous combination. Often this leads to a lack – or complete loss of – communication between mother and child. When the communication lines are down, everyone suffers. Read More

Close your eyes and imagine a woman in labor. If you picture the scene as it occurs regularly in movies, on television and in hospitals everywhere, you probably see her lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV, and wearing belts around her belly to continuously monitor the baby’s heartbeat and the contractions. Her “range” is limited to a few square feet.

What’s wrong with this picture? A lot, according to research.

The best way to keep your baby moving down and out is to keep your own body in motion. Being confined to bed, tethered to monitors and IVs interferes with the body’s ability to move the baby through the pelvic bones and down the birth canal.

Many hospitals have routine protocols like continuous fetal monitoring that limit movement and the use of epidurals commonly requires confinement in bed.

Researchers have examined published studies that compared policies that encouraged movement during labor with policies that restricted movement. The conclusions show that the policies that encourage women to walk, move around, or change positions during labor may help women experience:

less severe pain

less need for pain medications, such as epidurals and narcotics

shorter labors

less continuous monitoring

fewer cesarean surgeries

lower likelihood for an episiotomy and use of vacuum extraction or forceps

Why does movement during labor have these effects? Staying upright during labor means that gravity can aid the body’s natural efforts, which let the pelvic bones open as much as possible. Women who are laying on their backs confined in bed lose this advantage, which increases the likelihood that the baby will be unable to navigate through the pelvic bones. Read More

Experts suggest that when parents consider schools, they take certain factors into account, such as the quality of teachers and classroom size, but also the involvement of other parents in school activities. You might even want to ask to sit in on a lesson to get a sense of the teaching style a particular school employs.

Many parents have looked in to independent private schools, because each of the institutions has a unique environment and educational mission. This allows families to match a child’s interests and aptitudes with a school that meets his or her needs.

Families considering private school can visit the Web site of the National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS) for a list of questions that could help them find the right fit. The site also provides timelines for admission, links to school Web sites, and contact information for admissions offices. Here’s a closer look at independent private schools.

Private School Tutorial

There are approximately 2,000 independent private schools across the United States, serving more than 700,000 students from prekindergarten through high school. Some are centuries old, others just a few years old; some are progressive, others more traditional. Some have religious affiliations, while others are secular. There are day and boarding schools and coeducational, girls’ and boys’ schools. Each school has a unique mission statement that guides what it does.

Smart Planning

Affording a private school education takes some planning, and most families employ several strategies to keep the costs within reach. Some make use of tuition payment plans, which spread payments out over several months. Families may also take out loans, and most independent private schools offer need-based financial aid in the form of grants that do not need to be paid back.

The amount of aid a family receives may vary considerably from school to school. The size of its endowment, its tuition costs and its philosophy of awarding aid affect how much a school offers, so it could pay to apply for financial aid at more than one school. The financial aid officers at the individual schools under consideration are the best source of information about aid.To learn more, visit www.nais.org/go/parents.

While nothing can replace the watchful eye of a parent or caregiver, there are a number of things you can do to increase safety around window areas.

New parents are encouraged to replace window treatments featuring looped cords with cordless or motorized options to minimize strangulation hazards. Here is a checklist of what to do:

• Replace all corded blinds, shades and draperies manufactured before 2001 with today’s safer products.

• Move cribs, beds and furniture away from windows.

• Install retractable cords that remain at a constant length when the shade is not being operated, making them less accessible to children and pets.

• Eliminate dangling cords altogether by installing cordless or motorized window coverings.

Look for these features when shopping for window treatments:

Cordless Window Treatments–This feature allows you to raise and lower window coverings easily with one hand. Eliminating cords provides added safety and an uncluttered view.

Motorized Window Treatments–Using a battery-operated remote control, you can raise, lower, tilt or open and close your window coverings at the touch of a button.

Wand–Some window treatments are available with a control wand as opposed to a pull cord.

Breakaway Tassels–If you must have control cords, make sure they have breakaway tassels.

Inner Cord Stops–This feature inhibits the inner cords from being pulled out where they could pose a strangulation hazard.

Cord Cleats–Cord cleats keep cords secured against the wall and out of a curious child’s reach.

When traveling with your kids, remember to do a safety check of your room and areas where you’ll spend time to identify hazards whether you’re staying at a hotel or a private residence. Be sure to inspect the window areas for potential risks. If cords are present, don’t permit your youngster to sleep or play near the window. Ask to reposition furniture and secure the cords during your stay.

No cultural parenting approach is superior to another; one shoe simply does not fit all children. That’s my conclusion after forty years as a child psychotherapist and many humbling years as a father of four and grandfather of nine.

Yale professor Amy Chua, author of “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” has stirred up a nationwide debate with her premise of “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior”. While she makes many good parenting points, her approach can damage many children who are not so highly resilient.

Professor Chua believes Western parents are too anxious about their children’s self-esteem. Thank goodness we are. All too often a child’s individuality is not adequately developed. Dr. Benjamin Spock made that point in his 1946 groundbreaking book “Baby and Child Care.” He shook American parents out of their punishment-only approach and put the spotlight on the rest of the childrearing story: a child’s individuality or self-esteem is really important.

In America the parenting pendulum has clearly swung too far away from the necessity for firm limit setting in our attempt to make sure self-esteem is adequately established. Anybody raising a toddler with their do-it-my-way behavior knows children are not born with good behavior and need discipline to learn appropriate behavior. Balancing discipline with establishing individuality — that’s the parenting sweet spot. Even though it’s hard to pull off, with practice, the rewards are gratifying. Read More

1. Get informed. In order to have an idea of where you stand financially after divorce you need to figure out your financial status as a married couple. Gather all of the documents pertaining to your assets and liabilities. Each current account statement, whether it’s reporting the mortgage balance, credit card balance, Individual Retirement Account value, student loan, etc. will give you a piece of the puzzle of your marital worth, the assets and liabilities you and your husband share, what you each have individually and what the balances are.

2. Create a balance sheet. This gives a snapshot in time of what you own and owe-your asset and liability values. On the left-hand side of the page list your assets, generally starting with the highest priority ones, like your home and cars. A column on the right side will list your liabilities or debts. If some are directly attached to an asset (secured) like a car loan is attached to the car, put those loans across from the assets they’re related to. Unsecured debts such as credit cards aren’t attached to any particular property but you still have a general obligation to pay them. Label each asset and liability as being either joint or individual. Be sure to include retirement accounts and check for any loans taken out against them. Also, don’t forget to list valuables under assets, such as antiques and jewelry.

3. Look at your joint IRS tax returns for the past 3 years. These returns will report your annual marital income, whether it came from a salary, bonuses, bond interest or stock dividends, and property or partnership income. The reports will also give a clearer picture of tax-deferred accounts such as a 401k or pension retirement account, by showing the income deduction taken for retirement contributions. If you use an accountant to prepare your returns, make an appointment to review your latest returns. Sometimes they can be hard to decipher.

4. Understand the household income. What was your annual joint income for the past three years and what did you earn? Was the income steady, on a monthly basis or quarterly, or did it come in one chunk at the end the year? Once you have a clearer picture of the household’s income flow it will be easier to understand and split.

5. Calculate your worth as a stay-at-home mom. Just because you don’t earn outside income, doesn’t mean you don’t bring added value to the household budget. List every activity you do that saves the household money, e.g. grocery shop, cook, transport children, do laundry, clean the house, care for an elderly parent. On a column alongside these activities, calculate what it would cost to hire someone outside of the family to do each task, and then add up the dollar total. Since this would be an after-tax number, figure out what that would equate to in annual pre-tax income. Are your savings efforts worth the equivalent of a $30,000 or $40,000 income contribution? Read More

There’s no doubt about it: it’s tough being a kid! Most children have booked-solid schedules, high standards to meet both in and out of school, and an increasingly treacherous social world to navigate (bullying and cyberbullying, anyone?). What’s more, this far-from-Mayberry childhood is set in a world that scares many of us adults stiff. Think about it: if threats of terrorism, pandemics, and economic crashes tie your stomach in knots, what are they likely to do to children who don’t fully understand these situations and who don’t have an adult’s coping capacity?

So, what are the parents of a pint-sized handwringer to do?

As a parent, it is possible to help your children address and alleviate their anxiety in healthy ways. Remember, some worry and anxiety is a natural part of a child’s development. It’s not possible to completely shield your kids from everything that’s scary or upsetting—nor should you. Figuring out how to overcome these stressors is a part of developing good emotional adjustment. And even despite parents’ best intentions, some kids will still have anxiety problems; in fact, studies have shown that almost half of what causes anxiety lies in your genes!

So, since an anxiety-free life is out of the question for all of us (whether we’re kids or adults!), how can parents best enable their children to reduce their anxiety? Read on for six strategies:

Help yourself first. It might go against your instincts as a parent, but approach your child’s anxiety the same way flight attendants instruct you to deal with oxygen masks: help yourself first. The bottom line is, if you yourself are anxious, unorganized, or uncertain, you’ll be in no condition to truly help your child. Furthermore, our children actually pick up on and mirror our emotions!

If your own efforts don’t reduce your anxiety as much as you’d like, consider consulting a mental health professional who’s trained in cognitive behavioral therapy.

Model mellow. Kids really do see and hear everything (including the stuff you wish they wouldn’t!), and they learn a great deal about behaviors, attitudes, and coping mechanisms from the people they care about. Therefore, take every opportunity to model relatively calm behavior and thinking. And don’t invalidate your child’s anxiety by downplaying it as “silly”—your child needs to see you handling the concern.

Take baby steps. In many instances, your child will have to face whatever his fear might be (going to school, the dark, being apart from you, heights, etc.). In these situations, consider using gradual exposure, which involves breaking the feared situation or object into small steps. In most cases, your child’s anxiety will be reduced by 50 percent or more. When using gradual exposure, keep the following things in mind: Read More

Writing is the new social currency. If you total up all the time we spend writing assignments and reports, and that we spend online on social media like Facebook, e-mailing and texting friends, it becomes very clear that — more than ever — writing is a vital part of our daily lives.

Millions of Americans struggle with writing, and in this new economy they are disadvantaged in almost every part of life. They simply can’t contribute, interact and perform as well as others.

Writing isn’t a natural skill. Many mental and physical processes need to work in perfect harmony. Any difficulty can be a bottleneck to the process, and negatively affect the finished product.

Interestingly, while there are many different possible causes for writing difficulties, there are a few common symptoms to look for.

Common Symptoms of People Struggling With Writing

1. A disconnect (between knowledge and ability to write about it).

They can talk about and otherwise demonstrate what they know, but it doesn’t get expressed in their writing. Students lose grade points due to their writing, not their subject knowledge. Adults lose face, suffer embarrassment, and it undermines their capability.

2. Writing is unreasonably slow and careful.

Two to three sentences are written in the time that others can write 20 to 30. They know the answer, but it never gets fully expressed because there isn’t enough time. Or, they spend lots of time writing and rewriting a single sentence, striving for perfection. They try to cram a paragraph of meaning into a single sentence. Read More

As a parent of three kids, I remember hauling the detritus of consumer gifts to the curb after every holiday and birthday – plastic packaging, wrapping paper, dead batteries, and a rash of trash.  The thrill of opening gifts faded quickly and what was left was waste and the feeling that there must be a better way to celebrate our children’s future.

To alleviate this ritual year after year, we as a family adopted a plan of long term goal setting as an alternative to plastic overload.  I talked to my kids (ages 8, 6 and 3) about the things they really cared about.  My older son wanted guitar lessons, my middle boy wanted a new mountain bike and my daughter wanted a computer.  We all want to save for college and as a way to support how every family should give to others, we suggested each kid identified a charity to support.

These are longer-term goals – particularly saving for education, but they are consistent with providing long-term benefits.  Families need to set financial milestones to enable goals and part of the kids’ allowances, earnings and gifts go towards these goals.

Interestingly, we found that kids got engaged in the process of goal setting.  They bought into the goals we set and they enjoyed charting their progress over time.  They are learning – by doing – how money grows, how interest accumulates and how goals are achieved.  They still get toys, but a sane amount.  But they know they are working towards meaningful goals they care about. Read More